Of course, the key is that it’s strip TEASE, so keep that in mind as we talk about what you need to do—men and women both.

Getting Ready

When you’re thinking about doing a little ‘show,’ you want to consider what you are wearing from the inside out. What you’re going to end up in after the rest of the outfit is removed is the key.

Pick out something that the other person is sure to like. Maybe they’re shared a fantasy with you. Keep that in mind.

On top of that, you will want to find a nice ‘costume’ to wear. Maybe you’re starting out as a cop or a meter maid. Whatever you choose, be sure to accessorize it and ‘sex’ it up a little. Wear thigh high stocking and a garter belt if you’d like.

Guys can just wear something tight and figure flattering. And find something other than your everyday undies. G-strings aren’t necessary, but something a little tighter is delicious.

Pick out music that you know will be enjoyed—or find something from an erotic movie with a good tempo.

Doing The Dance

Since you’re aiming to please, figure out what will please the audience ahead of time. But if you can’t do that, listening to the reactions during the tease will help you move to the right beat.

Turn on the music and move your body. Move your hips and your legs. You can choose to keep your eyes focused on the ‘customer’ or you can close your eyes and drift into your own world.

You don’t have to be a professional dancer to be good. The fun is in the stripping itself.

You can either stay away from the person, or begin to rub on them like a lap dance. Tantalize them as long as they can stand it.

Stripping 101

When it comes to the actual stripping, you need to do more than just take off your clothes. This is all about drama and teasing.

Slowly remove each article of clothing. The more you have on, the better, because then the dance can last for a while. However, you don’t want to have so much on that you’re boring your audience.

Take off insignificant pieces of the costume first—gloves, hats, etc.—or remove them between other, more substantial items—shirts and pants.

You can slowly remove a belt and unzip a zipper for a great effect.

Dancing in your lingerie or well-chosen underwear will be the climax.

And what about when you’ve run out of clothing?

Perhaps you can ask the ‘audience’ if they want the special show. Slowly remove the rest of your covering and stop the music.

Another show starts now. Of course, that’s assuming that the audience could even make it until then. A lot of ‘strippers’ get their clothes ripped off ahead of schedule.

And now, you’re thinking that you’re more ‘stale’ than spice.

Taking Stock Of Your Skills

One of the best ways to get out of thinking that you’re not any good in bed is to talk to your partner. Ask them what they love about you and your skills before and during sex.

You may be surprised to hear the answers. Much of the ‘good stuff’ that we do is natural and we wouldn’t even realize that we’re doing it.

So you can count on your instincts to get you through any rough patches.

Feeling Your Way Through

Another great way to keep you confident as you’re trying to please someone new is to ask beforehand. That way, you already have an arsenal of ways to give them pleasure.

If you haven’t done that, you can always ask while you’re in the moment. Ask them if this or that feels good. Where do they like to be touched? Is there anything that they don’t like?

By having them guide you, you can stop worrying that you’re doing everything wrong.

And people want to lead you in the right direction.

Building Up Confidence

Most of the time, our sexual skills come from trying something that you’ve never tried before. My partner once told me that she always makes things up as we’re in the act, but because she’s so confident (or at least acts like it), I thought that she was much more experienced.

It’s amazing what jumping right in will do.

Do Your Homework

Take the time to read up on sex and ways to pleasure someone. Read magazines, websites, and articles. Find books and charts to the G-spot and other wonders of the human body.

Learn as much as you can about the body and how you can please it.

Watch erotic movies and see what they do. If anything, you can always try to copy something. The more things you know, the better off you will be.

Fake It

And I don’t mean faking the orgasm; I mean fake your skills. Pretend that you know more than you do and eventually you will. Act as though you are an adult video champion and you know every trick in the book to make someone feel good.

You would be surprised how many times you are right.

Pay Attention

By just listening to their breathing quicken, you can find a discreet little spot that needs lots of ‘attention’ or realize when their breathing slows that you’ve not where you need to be.

Test out the waters a little more each time, and soon your anxiety will just be a memory.

Realize that everyone wants to feel good, so they’ll make sure that you’re doing everything you can to ensure that.

And with all of the sex product stores and websites available, you might be wondering if toys are the route to go.

Good For Anytime

Not only can sex toys spice up swinging experiences, but they can also help you out when you’re on your own. Actually, some people find it rather arousing to watch someone pleasure themselves.

Or you can use it when you’re waiting to swing again.

Batteries Last Longer

When you’re trying to please someone orally, you may find that your stamina isn’t always at the peak of its worth. Using vibrators and other stimulators can help to keep the feeling going without causing your jaw to ache.

Also, there are products for men that can enhance penis stimulation.

And these toys can be used when your hands are busy doing something else so you get the best of all the stimulating words there are.

But I Can’t Reach

For places that go out of reach at times, you can use toys to assist you. Also, if you’re a bit hesitant to go certain places (anal play is one example), there are toys that can do the stimulating for you.

While you help out in other areas.

If One Of You Is Too Tired

Of course, if one of you is too tired to keep up the action, then a vibrator or other stimulator can keep going. This is also a good thing to have if one person is in the mood, but another is not.

Multiple orgasms are exhausting, so the less work that you need to do to help the other person achieve your bliss, the better.

Toys Are Good For You

This might be a bit of a stretch, but having an orgasm releases oxytocin into the bloodstream. This is a hormone that calms the body and prevents you from feeling pain.

So, heck, why not try a toy to do your own research.

Learning Curve

Toys can also be a great way to learn more about your partner or other person involved in swinging. By trying out new things together, you can build on the relationship that you’ve already begun.

Or you and your partner can try something out and then share it in a swinging setting.

What To Buy

One of the greatest things about the Internet is the anonymity. If you’ve never bought a sex toy before, you can go online and read user reviews as well as information to make the best decision.

You will see that there are many more toys for women than for men, but that doesn’t mean that men’s toys aren’t any good. You just need to try a lot out to see what works for you.

If at first you don’t find something that is pleasurable, then try again. Soon you’ll find something that will move you in the right direction and add a little something-something to your swinging experience.

Let’s go over the highlights of what we’ve already talked about:

Beginning With A Strong Relationship

Since swinging is not the standard relationship format (but I’m hopeful), you might be filled with self-doubt about whether or not something like this can work for you. You may have a lot of preconceived notions as to how a relationship between partners should exist.

But you’re wondering if you could try something new.

You’re not dissatisfied with your partner, but you feel like you want to share yourself with someone else—with the knowledge of your partner.

Having a strong relationship with open lines of communication is the best way to begin a foray into swinging. If there are any problems or concerns, they can be quickly addressed, rather than turning into larger issues.

Talk with your partner about swinging to see what they think. You might be surprised to find out that they are just as interested as you are.

Make out a list of things that you could enjoy with another person and see what your partner thinks.

Finding Someone To Swing With

Every city has the opportunity to find someone who is into swinging. All it takes is an open eye and a little research. You can start with the various Internet directories of swinging clubs and associations, or you may just want to wander into your local adult book shop for literature.

The online swinging community is growing and dating websites have popped up to make the search safe and secure. You can meet up with couples from all parts of the world, or search for some that are closer to home.

Through e-mail and video chats, you can get to know someone before you even reveal your names. In this way, you can be as comfortable as possible before taking the plunge.

Pushing Off

And then comes the time when you are reading to get into the nitty gritty of swinging.

Whether you choose soft or hard swinging at first, all that matters is that you are up front about what you expect from your experience and how you interact with the other couple (or single, or couples, etc).

Touching another person or watching another couple pleasure each other is arousing and liberating.

You can try sex toys and roleplaying to spice things up down the road, remembering always to make sure that everyone is on board with changes you make in your interactions.

Keep an open mind and you will not only increase your self-confidence and sexual ability, but also realize that your current relationship is incredibly strong and supportive.

By being able to indulge each other in your fantasies, you are creating yet another way to communicate with one another in order to make each other as happy as you can.

So that’s all I have time for now, as I have to go out swinging!

So in the meantime – Happy Swinging!

The Silent Treatment

I think that it’s in human nature to become quiet when something is bothering us, rather than to talk about things. Most often, you find that you get and give the silent treatment when you are upset about something.

I find that being silence is actually just a way for me to gather my feelings before I make any rash decisions or accusations.

But what if you are receiving the silent treatment, what then?

I suggest that attempt to contact the other couple and set up a time where you can all meet in a non-threatening environment. If you truly can not understand or imagine what is wrong, then you can even meet somewhere of their choosing.

Make the silent couple as comfortable as possible.

If you’re receiving the silence from your partner, you can do the same. Of course, most partners are able to talk things over when they begin to feel upset. But if something has happened, make sure to find time to talk.

Usually once you get everyone talking about what has been making them feel bad, you will be able to solve the issues and move on.

Jealousy And You

Being in a swinging relationship implies that you are working toward fantasies while still keeping your spouse as number one. However, in the beginning especially, you may feel as though your partner is having too much fun.

Again, you need to talk about it.

Say everything that is one your mind. Sometimes it helps to write it all down and then read it to your partner so that you remember everything.

Set up a situation in which they can only listen and not respond until you are completely done.

And when you are done, let them speak. You partner will probably reassure you and work with you to find ways to show you that they care for you more than anything.

Jealousy that goes unspoken is the harmful kind. In a solid relationship, it’s just a stepping stone that can be moved beyond.

When The Other Couple Changes Their Mind

Like in all relationships, there may come a point when things just aren’t working out for whatever reason. And you may want to move on for the sake of everyone involved.

This doesn’t have to be a difficult transition when you think of what you have gained from your interaction. Perhaps you have just learned all that you needed to learn.

Don’t take it personally. Say your goodbyes and wish each other well.

Of course, if you feel as though you would like to move to a different couple, then be sure to tell the current couple as soon as possible. You all want to be in the most supportive environment that you can be in.

So be sure to openly talk about the possibility.

Swinging is just like any relationship and it can have high points and low points. The trick is that you need to treat it like any other relationship—with respect and genuine concern for each other’s welfare.

Swinging is a way to explore your sexual fantasies and boundaries with the blessing and support of your partner. And by enjoying each other in this way, you enable better communication and deeper trust of your relationship.

But there are always ways to get your self into trouble.

There Are No Little White Lies

When it comes to a swinging relationship, there is no such thing as a little white lie. Each and every lie that you tell will become an issue. There needs to be a perfect atmosphere of trust and truthfulness in order to feel comfortable with each other.

And in any sort of future for the relationship among the group of couples.

This is really why the recommendation is that only strong couples get into swinging. The stronger the couple is, the more likely that good communication lines are already in place.

To think of it another way, you need to be sure that you can trust the other couple as well. At the very least your privacy may be compromised. At the most, you can be emotionally hurt.

Crossing Over Boundaries

Swinging can be a great tool to overcome any sexual anxieties that you might have, but there are limits to this journey.

For one, you can not assume that just because you want something to happen during a particular sexual excursion that the other person does as well.

Of course, talking about these boundaries ahead of time will help.

But you also want to stick to what you’re promised to do. Just because you think that you may be ‘helping’ someone overcome something does not mean that they are necessarily ready.

When someone tells you to stop or that they are uncomfortable, you need to stop IMMEDIATELY.

You will destroy a perfectly good relationship in a moment of weakness.

Keeping Quiet

On the other hand, the other person will not know about your boundaries unless you tell them ahead of time.

This is no time to be shy with another couple or with your own partner. Be clear and up front about the relationship that you are trying to pursue.

You may want to set up a specific time for everyone to meet up in a non-sexual environment. This is a great way to continuously have the lines of communication open for anything that may not be easy to talk about in a certain mood or setting.

Find a neutral place that is semi-private and give everyone a chance to talk. If there are problems, then address them at that point or discuss them and set up another time to figure out solutions.

When you don’t say anything, you are setting yourself up for problems.

Issues like jealously and anger can rear their ugly heads quite quickly when there is silence. But a little talking can do a world of good and keep everyone feeling good about themselves and their sexual power.

Although how you act is what drives the roleplaying, you need to look believable to pull it off.

Start by going to your local costume shop or thrift store to look for the perfect ‘ingredients.’ Have a general idea in mind of what you need—accessories and all. That is, if you’re looking to be a maid, you not only need the outfit, but also the apron and a feather duster (oh la la).

Make sure to try the outfits on before you buy them. You are trying to look good, and an ill-fitting costume might not make you feel the part as well.

A word on materials that are sexy—some people love latex and leather. Find out what your ‘victim’ might like and incorporate that as much as you can.

Of course, if you go to your local adult shop for your costume, you may find even more racy choices. Just don’t get too turned on in the dressing room.

The Temptation Begins

Understanding that you are setting a scene for a sexual encounter will give you great ideas to play it out as long as possible.

If you’re able, you may want to hint at your plans well ahead of the actual date. For example, you may want to send hints—i.e. a set of handcuffs or a cleaning rag. Of course, you want to be discreet about it as well.

If you talk ahead of time, you will want to leave small hints about your plans. This is sure to get their mind and their heart racing (among other things).

Stepping Out

Once you’re in the setting, you must begin the part. Have your partner for the evening move him or herself to the right location and then go change into your ‘gear.’

You may want to start some music as you walk out or whatever else might help to set the mood. Saunter out into view and begin your act.

Forget who you are for a moment and become a sexier version. Make sure that they are acting their part as well. Although succumbing to your charms will surely not be too terribly difficult.

Realize that in the end, you will be seducing the other person and that’s inevitable.

Understand That…

Not everyone will be the perfect acting accomplice in your roleplaying. And you may laugh or break out of your character.

But it’s like a muscle. If you keep trying, you just get better and better.

Realize that your fantasy or their fantasy might not work out perfectly the first few times, so talk about what could go better or what could be done to make it less humorous and more erotic.

Practice does indeed make perfect.

What can you do to avoid this?

Why Roleplaying Might Be The Perfect Part For You

When you try something different, you might feel a little hesitant. And for whatever reason, roleplaying seems to be the one that many couples turn a nose to.

But let’s look at it differently.

If you’ve ever dresses up for Halloween or just gotten ‘dolled up’ for someone, then you’ve put a toe into the waters of roleplaying.

Stepping into the role of another person can inspire confidence in yourself and in your actions. Because you’re not your ‘normal’ self, you might say things or do things that are out of your comfort zone. And this is good.

When you’re nervous, letting another persona help you out might be a great way to break your tension.

Finding The Role For You

Now, I should say that many people aren’t ‘into’ roleplaying, so this is something else that you will need to discuss with your partner or your group of swingers.

Of course, if you should find out that someone has a secret fantasy (usually from their partner), then you may want to try it out.

Think of this as a costume party of sorts. You get to be whomever you want and you can leave your old self and insecurities behind.

You can get ideas from websites or adult video stores. Honestly, most adult flavoured videos involve some sort of roleplaying—because there can’t be that many lost mechanics out there!

Find something that you’ve always wanted to be—a French maid? A police officer?

Cheerleaders or doctors always work well too. It’s amazing how many cheers never get finished, and how many pelvic exams are in dire need of being completed.

Playing The Part

And don’t think that you have to be an Oscar winning performer in order to try out roleplaying. This isn’t about getting it perfect; it’s about trying to please someone else as well as yourself.

It’s amazing what a costume can do for the libido.

Imagine what the characteristics of the part you are playing would be? Are you tough? Are you innocent? Find what makes this role different from you in real life and over-exaggerate it.

You may also discuss with another couple, the idea of incorporating everyone into the roleplaying. Is there some sort of scenario that could involve everyone? Perhaps the women can be ‘stranded’ at the side of the road and need to be helped by some kind, sexually attractive men.

Pretend that you’re in a strip club and play the audience and the strippers.

Heck, you don’t even really need costumes, just a little imagination.

We’ll talk about roleplaying a little more in depth in a moment, but for now, start thinking up ways that you can become someone else for an evening. Think of it as an adult version of Halloween—sweets and all.

Is there a certain etiquette to finding more than one swinging group?

Sorting It Out

Although this might sound like a broken record at this point, the main way to figure out this dilemma is to talk to the other couple about it. See what their ideas and their concerns might be.

Many of the times, you will find that swinging is actually a lot more open that you even imagined it, so things aren’t as sticky as they might seem to be.

Because you’re already in an open relationship, you may want to have this discussion before you even begin swinging. Talk about the possibility of it, and it won’t become anything that’s a secret.

Secrets and lies are where all relationships can fall apart, including swingers.

Also, if you find that the other couple has been swinging for longer, they may have already found another couple to spend their time with—although you should have found this out before.

Making sure that everyone is on the same page is the best way to ensure that no one feels like they or you are hiding anything.

If The Other Couple Isn’t Okay With It

You may find that the other couples (for whatever reason) is not interested is having you look for additional couples. And there are a few ways to look at this kind of reaction.

One, the other couple may still be feeling insecure about swinging in general, so they need some sort of ‘commitment’ to feel better. This is fairly common in the early stages of swinging—especially with beginners. Respect their decision, but feel free to bring it up again in the future.

Two, the other couple seems to want to be more controlling of the swinging relationship. They have a lot of rules or guidelines that ‘need’ to be followed exactly. Although there is a fine line between having an agreement and being overly controlling, you want to stop if you feel this vibe going on.

Do you feel as though you aren’t participating in the relationship as much? If so, this can be a sign of the other couple’s over-control and a sign that you may want to stop the relationship.

Swinging is for everyone in the group to enjoy and not be a one-sided adventure.

Control can lead to a darker side to a relationship, and you just don’t need that in your life.

When it comes down to it, talking out your feelings with the other couple is best. You don’t want to have them hear about anything through another couple. You will have destroyed the trust that you have built.

And if it just seems like it’s something that you can’t agree on, end that relationship, and move on. No hard feelings.

As we’ve talked about before, some of the best foreplay is in the setting itself, so make sure that there are candles lit, and every arrangement has been made for an interrupted evening of bliss.

Feeding The Fire

One of the ways to get the night started is to feed each other. While eating isn’t always the sexiest thing, being served can be.

If you’re two couples, you can reverse roles. The women can feed the men, or vice versa. Do this slowly so that you can look into each other’s eyes. Try to signal your intentions for the evening, and let the other know how excited you already are.

Chocolate dipped strawberries are a decadent treat.

You can also offer each other drinks or other light snacks. Food has a way of calming us and getting us ready for deeper contact.

You can also put the morsel of food in your mouth and offer it to someone else, but they have to take it without using their hands. Delicious.

Turning On The Evening

While I don’t suggest this for anyone that hasn’t already propositioned it, watching a sexy movie can be a great way to introduce a sexy mood.

Find one that appeals to everyone and something that isn’t too corny so that you’re laughing more than you’re becoming aroused. You may want to make suggestions among yourselves and then pick a few in case they don’t end up working out.

Dim the lights and watch the action. Perhaps you’ll want to copy the actors as you watch. Let the darkness cover any nervousness.

Starting With Your Comfort Zone

Another great way to start a little foreplay seduction is to take turns showing affection to your partners. With your own partner, kiss, touch, and caress them. Show them how much you love them and their faith in your relationship.

Then the other couple can do the same. Before you know it, you will all be enjoying each other at the same time.

Now, switch.

Try A Game

There are plenty of ‘dirty’ games out there that you can buy and play together. Try a naughty card game or striptease poker. Not only are these erotic, but they also can relax you into a seductive state.

And add in a lot of sexual innuendo and every ones in the end.

But this is just a sampling of things that you can do as foreplay. Of course, you can come up with your own versions of these appetizing starters.

Or if the heat is just right, you may not make it through them.

When you’re first starting out though, I highly recommend doing something to get the evening started in the erotic tone. Start with the usual conversation and dinner, if you’d like.

Then move to somewhere more comfortable and let the fun begin…