Daily Life
Here is a common experience in Thailand: A man meets a lady. He gets serious because she expresses that she has common interests. He tries her out for a partner in life’s daily things, and she gets an opportunity. What happens?
Once she thinks she’s “got him” (after the first few weeks, maybe a month or so), she expects him to take care of her, while she does less and less to take care of him … or herself. She sits around watching TV, yacking on the phone with friends, and reading trash magazines. On Internet, she doesn’t do valuable things but wastes time on surfing elsewhere, e-mail with worthless friends and chat. Trivial fun is fine, and everyone does it themself just like everyone else. But not all the time. It must be mixed with worthwhile, fulfilling activities.
Daily life changes. The man has to take the initiative on things to do together, much moreso than her. After the first few weeks, he starts doing the following more often than her: Cooking for the two of them. Cleaning the dishes and the place. Remembering the deadlines for getting the trash out to the street. Taking care of the accounting and bills. Working (if she works for him), making most of the decisions, taking the initiatives, and then quality control of her half-careless work. What’s happening is she’s starting to rely on him to “take care” of her, excessively, while she slips on taking care of him.
He hires a maid, and that further promotes laziness while taking away a test of the strength of her caring. (However, if she works a job, then you should hire a maid rather than make her come home and work a second job.)
After all that, if he gets irritated, she will shape up … for a day or two. Then back to the old ways. Sometimes she will say she loves him. He will ask her why. What does she love in him? The usual answer is that she doesn’t know, she just does. He will tell her to show her. Talk is easy. No, not just a temporary physical expression.
As a farang in Thailand, I often help Thais in farang matters (carefully explaining things, translating, showing things), and ask those who I help to in turn help me out on occasion. Some do, and others find excuses not to. (Same when I help farangs.) I find the same things happen to many men in relationships with Thai women — they help the woman more than vice versa.
I believe that this is not a general trait of Thai ladies. I just think that Thai ladies who are looking for a man mainly for financial support, security, material things and an exciting lifestyle tend to seek out foreign men.
When you analyze the relationship, there is little in regard to similar values and interests. That’s why it fails.
What usually happens is that the two people get bored with each other. She sticks around for financial support. He keeps her around for convenience. But temptations pull on both of them.
One finds an alternative mate before the other and leaves. It’s always easier to be the dumper than the dumpee, despite the low quality of the relationship.
Sometimes, it reaches the breaking point before the man strays. This happens when they request for him to do some things which require considerable expenditure of effort, time, and/or money, whereas they don’t do the things he requests of them. After pointing this out, they will usually try to make up by smiling and being sweet. This makes some men really turn their view towards a smile and sweetness as an ugly smile and sweetness — tricky.
I see too many farang friends who support their gold-digging Thai girlfriends and wives for neurotic reasons, in my opinion. The unstable relationships seem to outnumber the solid ones.
