And now, you’re thinking that you’re more ‘stale’ than spice.

Taking Stock Of Your Skills

One of the best ways to get out of thinking that you’re not any good in bed is to talk to your partner. Ask them what they love about you and your skills before and during sex.

You may be surprised to hear the answers. Much of the ‘good stuff’ that we do is natural and we wouldn’t even realize that we’re doing it.

So you can count on your instincts to get you through any rough patches.

Feeling Your Way Through

Another great way to keep you confident as you’re trying to please someone new is to ask beforehand. That way, you already have an arsenal of ways to give them pleasure.

If you haven’t done that, you can always ask while you’re in the moment. Ask them if this or that feels good. Where do they like to be touched? Is there anything that they don’t like?

By having them guide you, you can stop worrying that you’re doing everything wrong.

And people want to lead you in the right direction.

Building Up Confidence

Most of the time, our sexual skills come from trying something that you’ve never tried before. My partner once told me that she always makes things up as we’re in the act, but because she’s so confident (or at least acts like it), I thought that she was much more experienced.

It’s amazing what jumping right in will do.

Do Your Homework

Take the time to read up on sex and ways to pleasure someone. Read magazines, websites, and articles. Find books and charts to the G-spot and other wonders of the human body.

Learn as much as you can about the body and how you can please it.

Watch erotic movies and see what they do. If anything, you can always try to copy something. The more things you know, the better off you will be.

Fake It

And I don’t mean faking the orgasm; I mean fake your skills. Pretend that you know more than you do and eventually you will. Act as though you are an adult video champion and you know every trick in the book to make someone feel good.

You would be surprised how many times you are right.

Pay Attention

By just listening to their breathing quicken, you can find a discreet little spot that needs lots of ‘attention’ or realize when their breathing slows that you’ve not where you need to be.

Test out the waters a little more each time, and soon your anxiety will just be a memory.

Realize that everyone wants to feel good, so they’ll make sure that you’re doing everything you can to ensure that.

Have you and your partner talking about what’s okay to do and what isn’t?

Each couple will be different in determining the rules of play when hard swinging, but here are some things to keep in mind or try for your selves.

Talk about your fantasies. Is your husband into watching two women, or are you ready to see your husband pleasure someone else? What do you really want to play out? Be honest when you talk with your partner.

This isn’t a bartering session; this is a time for you to lay everything out on the table to make sure that you aren’t hurting the relationship that you already have.

One of the worst things that you can do is not talk about the details ahead of time, and either feel pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready for, or watching your partner do something that you aren’t ready to see.

And talk with the other couple too. If you’re uncomfortable about fellatio or some other act, then say it.

You may even want to write out a sort of contract, and sign it.

Since you may not be in each other’s sight, knowing exactly what your partner will and will not be doing can set a beginner’s mind at ease.

Starting The Fun…

When you’re in the room with your new playmate, you want to try to make the scene comfortable. If you’ve talked ahead of time, this won’t be difficult.

You can start by talking or just moving closer to each other.

It’s amazing what a sexy environment can do as well. Maybe candles and incense can make for a sultry atmosphere, or maybe you just want to get down to business.

Start with exploring their body. Touch and feel each inch. Make compliments as you go, but don’t talk about comparisons. This moment is about the other person and making them feel special.

There will come a point when your bodies will figure out how to move with each other. Keep the other’s fantasies in mind.

Did they want you to try something in particular, or did they want you to surprise them?

If at any point you are uncomfortable or need to stop the festivities, then do so. Immediately.

This is not a game in the sense that someone wins and someone loses. You are working together to overcome sexual boundaries and fulfil fantasies. You both still have someone to go home with.

And if you want to continue the swinging relationship, you have to be able to trust each other completely.

At this point, if it’s been agreed upon, go ahead and have sex with the other person—careful to stay protected and safe. Savor the feeling of release of orgasm as you lie in someone else’s arms.

Savor the satisfaction.

There are certain factors that you should consider and weigh heavily as you choose someone to swing with:

Honesty

You need to find people that are going to be honest with you. These are people that tell you what their needs are, what they do not like, and what their fantasies are.

You want to see all of their cards before you play any games.

If you should catch them in a lie, then you will need to figure out if they are someone that you want to spend your time with. This is especially true when you are meeting someone online; as you want to be sure that you are not in a dangerous situation.

One of the red flags for a con artist is someone whose story changes as they talk with you. Perhaps they tell you where they live and then suddenly, they mention living somewhere else.

My advice? Get as far away as possible when you run into a liar.

Open Communication

When you’re being honest, that’s great, but can you talk about things as they arise? When wife swapping, there can be a lot of complicated issues that need to be discussed.

These can include jealousy, new fantasies, and roleplaying ideas, just as examples.

You need to be able to frankly talk about what you want and what you don’t want from your swinging experience. You’re human and your feelings may change on what you originally intended for the relationship.

Being able to talk through these shifts is vital to maintaining your swinging relationship.

If you feel uncomfortable in any way, take things slower. And if they still do not improve, it may be time to move on.

Similar Fantasies

You don’t have to share the same fantasies, but you may want to look for couples that are interested in the same things. Whether you’re interested in roleplaying or bondage games, you want to be able to share in these things.

On the other hand, you may want to keep particular fantasies for your own relationship as a way to show your commitment to each other.

Finding Matching Goals

Although you may not want to share every fantasy, perhaps you are looking to overcome some issues that you have with particular sexual acts.

If this is the case, then you may want to bring this up with another couple to see if this is something that you can all explore. For example, if you are a woman who is interested in touching another woman, then you will want to see if this is something that would be okay.

Of course, many men would jump at the idea of watching such a scene, but the other woman must be comfortable as well.

Finding the right couple will take time and effort, but be strict about things that are important to you and to a relationship in general. You’re sure to find someone that fits the description of swinging ecstasy.