When You’re In The Shower

You will want to take a shower because a bath might make you sleepy for the rest of the evening—and you don’t want that.

Before you get into the shower, make sure that you have a razor, shaving scream, face soap, and anything else that you normally need. With everything on your mind right now, you don’t want to have to keep getting out for things that you have forgotten.

Wash your body very carefully first. You can scrub with one of those poofy sponges and some bath gel for a light, clean scent. You will want to use lukewarm water so that your skin doesn’t dry out too much.

Wash your hair carefully and don’t use too much conditioner. If your hair is generally clean to begin with, you may even want to skip this step. Hair that is slightly dirty is much easier to style.

After you’ve been in the shower for a while, you’re ready to shave. Shave your legs completely and don’t forget the underarms. Of course, you can omit these steps altogether for personal preference.

Another Shaving Question

Most women want to know if they should shave their private area completely.

This is completely up to you and your comfort level. One thing to note is that if you’ve never done it before this night, it will not end well. This skin is very sensitive and you could end up with a nasty rash.

If you are planning on giving it a try, you will want to start the process out a few weeks a head of time. Start by trimming the hair down and then go ahead and use a razor, depilatory, or wax (ouch). Or you can go to a salon to have this done.

A lot of men like the ‘bare’ approach, while other men prefer a half and half layout. It’s interesting to note that the less there is, the more excited you can get. Just a thought.

Dressing It Up

Get out your best lingerie ladies. This is the time for the ‘fun’ stuff that’s been sitting in your drawer. Or maybe you want to buy something special for the occasion. A nice bra and panty set is best.

Wear a nice outfit that is revealing, but in a classy way. You may feel comfortable showing a little cleavage, but you may want to keep it subtle when you’re wearing a short skirt.

Makeup Or Not?

Since it’s going to be an exciting night, you do want to put a little makeup on to make yourself look fantastic. Like the clothes, you will want to play up your best features.

A nice dark lipstick (if it looks good on you) is best with softer makeup on the rest of the face.

You may also want to consider waterproof and smudge resistance makeup to keep the look on until you get home.

Have you and your partner talking about what’s okay to do and what isn’t?

A Few Basic Rules

Each couple will be different in determining the rules of play when hard swinging, but here are some things to keep in mind or try for your selves.

Talk about your fantasies. Is your husband into watching two women, or are you ready to see your husband pleasure someone else? What do you really want to play out? Be honest when you talk with your partner.

This isn’t a bartering session; this is a time for you to lay everything out on the table to make sure that you aren’t hurting the relationship that you already have.

One of the worst things that you can do is not talk about the details ahead of time, and either feel pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready for, or watching your partner do something that you aren’t ready to see.

And talk with the other couple too. If you’re uncomfortable about fellatio or some other act, then say it.

You may even want to write out a sort of contract, and sign it.

Since you may not be in each other’s sight, knowing exactly what your partner will and will not be doing can set a beginner’s mind at ease.

Starting The Fun…

When you’re in the room with your new playmate, you want to try to make the scene comfortable. If you’ve talked ahead of time, this won’t be difficult.

You can start by talking or just moving closer to each other.

It’s amazing what a sexy environment can do as well. Maybe candles and incense can make for a sultry atmosphere, or maybe you just want to get down to business.

Start with exploring their body. Touch and feel each inch. Make compliments as you go, but don’t talk about comparisons. This moment is about the other person and making them feel special.

There will come a point when your bodies will figure out how to move with each other. Keep the other’s fantasies in mind.

Did they want you to try something in particular, or did they want you to surprise them?

If at any point you are uncomfortable or need to stop the festivities, then do so. Immediately.

This is not a game in the sense that someone wins and someone loses. You are working together to overcome sexual boundaries and fulfil fantasies. You both still have someone to go home with.

And if you want to continue the swinging relationship, you have to be able to trust each other completely.

At this point, if it’s been agreed upon, go ahead and have sex with the other person—careful to stay protected and safe. Savor the feeling of release of orgasm as you lie in someone else’s arms.

Nothing takes the place of skin to skin contact, but we’re going to look at both to see what each can offer for you.

In Real Life

While even the thought of some physical contact can turn me on, swinging in person just can’t be beat, in my opinion. There’s something about the sights and smells of lust and pleasure that words can’t describe.

But some new swingers feel it’s a bit nerve-wracking to be personal so quickly, even though that is the point of it all—right?

Taking your time to get to know the other couple will help to assail any fears or insecurities that you have. Talk about things that aren’t related to sex until you get more comfortable.

Then you may want to start a short conversation on fantasies until you’re able to talk about anything. Being open and feeling trust for the other person is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs.

When you’re going it alone without your partner for the first time, make sure to talk about what is going to happen before you get into the bedroom/club/hotel. The greatest mood-killer is surprise at first, but after some time, it’s the best mood-enhancer.

A little unknown is very hot.

Explore each other and give a lot of compliments, not only will you be swept up by the extreme beauty of yourself and the other person, but knowing that your partner is supportive will make your experience one to remember.

In my opinion, real is better, but online can also be exciting.

On The Web

But if you’re just not ready for a little IRL (in real life) fun, then take out that laptop and let’s see what we can do.

Many of the online swinger dating sites will give you the opportunity to talk to another couple via video. And because it’s a little more anonymous, you might feel that this is the perfect arrangement until you know the other couple better.

With the video, you can see how you interact with each other, not to mention, get to see how the other couple looks to you. Look at their bodies and their body language—it speaks much louder than the two-dimensional profiles.

You may want to act out fantasies for the other couple to show them what you’re looking for or they might want to see. Or do a little costume fun and fantasy at the holidays—be creative.

Not being able to touch is very erotic as well. The seduction of longing is powerful—even through a computer screen.

Sending pictures as well can be a way to express your sexuality through the computer screen. Keeping each other up to date and tantalized is an amazing amount of foreplay—really.

Whether you choose in person or online is up to you. Of course, one will definitely lead to the other. Click here for my own personal recommendation, which I can thoroughly recommend, based on price, reputation, quality of the interface, and the sheer number of other couples you can meet through it.

The Silent Treatment

I think that it’s in human nature to become quiet when something is bothering us, rather than to talk about things. Most often, you find that you get and give the silent treatment when you are upset about something.

I find that being silence is actually just a way for me to gather my feelings before I make any rash decisions or accusations.

But what if you are receiving the silent treatment, what then?

I suggest that attempt to contact the other couple and set up a time where you can all meet in a non-threatening environment. If you truly can not understand or imagine what is wrong, then you can even meet somewhere of their choosing.

Make the silent couple as comfortable as possible.

If you’re receiving the silence from your partner, you can do the same. Of course, most partners are able to talk things over when they begin to feel upset. But if something has happened, make sure to find time to talk.

Usually once you get everyone talking about what has been making them feel bad, you will be able to solve the issues and move on.

Jealousy And You

Being in a swinging relationship implies that you are working toward fantasies while still keeping your spouse as number one. However, in the beginning especially, you may feel as though your partner is having too much fun.

Again, you need to talk about it.

Say everything that is one your mind. Sometimes it helps to write it all down and then read it to your partner so that you remember everything.

Set up a situation in which they can only listen and not respond until you are completely done.

And when you are done, let them speak. You partner will probably reassure you and work with you to find ways to show you that they care for you more than anything.

Jealousy that goes unspoken is the harmful kind. In a solid relationship, it’s just a stepping stone that can be moved beyond.

When The Other Couple Changes Their Mind

Like in all relationships, there may come a point when things just aren’t working out for whatever reason. And you may want to move on for the sake of everyone involved.

This doesn’t have to be a difficult transition when you think of what you have gained from your interaction. Perhaps you have just learned all that you needed to learn.

Don’t take it personally. Say your goodbyes and wish each other well.

Of course, if you feel as though you would like to move to a different couple, then be sure to tell the current couple as soon as possible. You all want to be in the most supportive environment that you can be in.

So be sure to openly talk about the possibility.

Swinging is just like any relationship and it can have high points and low points. The trick is that you need to treat it like any other relationship—with respect and genuine concern for each other’s welfare.

When You’re In The Shower

You will want to take a shower because a bath might make you sleepy for the rest of the evening—and you don’t want that.

Before you get into the shower, make sure that you have a razor, shaving scream, face soap, and anything else that you normally need. With everything on your mind right now, you don’t want to have to keep getting out for things that you have forgotten.

Wash your body very carefully first. You can scrub with one of those poofy sponges and some bath gel for a light, clean scent. You will want to use lukewarm water so that your skin doesn’t dry out too much.

Wash your hair carefully and don’t use too much conditioner. If your hair is generally clean to begin with, you may even want to skip this step. Hair that is slightly dirty is much easier to style.

After you’ve been in the shower for a while, you’re ready to shave. Shave your legs completely and don’t forget the underarms. Of course, you can omit these steps altogether for personal preference.

Another Shaving Question

Most women want to know if they should shave their private area completely.

This is completely up to you and your comfort level. One thing to note is that if you’ve never done it before this night, it will not end well. This skin is very sensitive and you could end up with a nasty rash.

If you are planning on giving it a try, you will want to start the process out a few weeks a head of time. Start by trimming the hair down and then go ahead and use a razor, depilatory, or wax (ouch). Or you can go to a salon to have this done.

A lot of men like the ‘bare’ approach, while other men prefer a half and half layout. It’s interesting to note that the less there is, the more excited you can get. Just a thought.

Dressing It Up

Get out your best lingerie ladies. This is the time for the ‘fun’ stuff that’s been sitting in your drawer. Or maybe you want to buy something special for the occasion. A nice bra and panty set is best.

Wear a nice outfit that is revealing, but in a classy way. You may feel comfortable showing a little cleavage, but you may want to keep it subtle when you’re wearing a short skirt.

Makeup Or Not?

Since it’s going to be an exciting night, you do want to put a little makeup on to make yourself look fantastic. Like the clothes, you will want to play up your best features.

A nice dark lipstick (if it looks good on you) is best with softer makeup on the rest of the face.

You may also want to consider waterproof and smudge resistance makeup to keep the look on until you get home.

First things first, you need to get ready for the other couple. This isn’t the time to go for a run, throw on a t-shirt and just go over to someone’s house for a night of erotic pleasure.

No, no, no. There’s a better way and don’t worry, it’s not going to take longer than a half an hour.

Cleaning Up

Although most of this information should be common sense, we’re going to go over it anyways. Your excitement might have clouded over some of the finer points of personal grooming.

Take a shower or a bath. A shower is fine.

You would be surprised at how many men think that being sweaty is sexy—uh, no. Your wife or significant other might think it is okay, but if you’re planning on being with anyone else, it’s best to err on the side of sanitary.

Take a nice scented soap and clean every area of your body. Work your way down from your hair to your toes. This way, you’ve hit everything and the water washed off all the soap completely.

Nothing is less sexy than a mouth full of soap.

Focus on areas that get dirty—hands, feet, underarms, and your private region. If anything might be licked, it needs to be exquisitely clean.

And if you have any areas that are rough, just throw a little unscented lotion there. Rough hands on smooth skin equal icky feeling.

The Question Of Shaving

When it comes to shaving, you want to check with the other couple to see if there are any preferences. Of course, if you already have a full beard, this isn’t the time to hack it off. But if you have some stubble, see if that’s okay or even welcomed.

If in doubt, go as smooth as you can on your face.

And as for any other shaving that you might question, some women may find it attractive for a man to trim their body hair. Again, this is up to you in the end, but if you know that there is a preference, it’s best to take care of that.

What To Wear

Many women or other men may not mind you showing up in casual clothing, but for the first few times, you may want to go for something a little dressier. Find a nice dress shirt or polo shirt and pair it with clean dress pants and nice shoes.

You’ll be amazed how much attention you’ll get for dressing it up.

Although you’re kind of on a date with an obvious ending, you don’t want to do anything that might change the outcome. And for beginners, you may want to show that you are respectful of another’s tastes as well.

And these rules can change. Down the road, you can go more casual or dress it up in a different way (cops and robbers, anyone?).

Still, I have to point out that swinging isn’t for everyone, so don’t take this list to a reluctant partner to try to sway them. Of course, you may want to leave it out so that they can peruse it at their own pace…

Confidence

As a woman, I can tell you that confidence isn’t something that comes naturally in terms of sexual activity. We’re taught that men are superior in this respect and that women should follow their lead in everything.

When you start swinging, however, you are thrust into a realm of being up front about your needs and your desires. It isn’t all about pleasing the man anymore, but it’s about getting what you crave, what you’ve dreamt in your mind.

Your confidence soars as you begin to find that you can be sexual with someone that you’re not used to and yet still pleasure them, as well as yourself. Your partner will notice for sure.

Body Image

Although this conversation is linked to women most of the time, let’s not forget about the men. While media and celebrity news make us believe that all women should be a certain size, men are equally as judged.

Men see ripped abs and chiseled cheekbones, and quietly think to themselves if they’re all that good too? Are their penises big enough?

When you’ve been with your partner for a while, you may fall into a sense of comfort about what you look like. They love you and that’s all that matters. When you begin swinging, that self-assuredness will be tested.

And you’ll win in the end.

This other person wants someone different. They’ve probably already seen you and complimented you on something. Talk about feeling sexually charged and gorgeous—and now you’ve got more than one person telling you that.

Some women might find that compliments from another woman are the most pleasing, as we all seem to be so judgmental in public.

Better Communication

Not only do couples find it easier to talk to each other before they even start swinging, but afterwards—the floodgates of talking are opened.

When you can talk about sex, sex with another person with your partner, or amongst your group, you can talk about anything.

It will make you more open in the outside world as well. Granted, you may not talk about your swinging with others, but you may find that you can be more self-assured and thus more willing to start a conversation with someone that you normally wouldn’t.

Increased Sexual Drive

Of course, I haven’t done any scientific research on this, but I can tell you from my own experience that your sex drive goes up—a lot.

It’s kind of like the snowball effect. When you get exactly what you want, you want it again, and again, and again. And that doesn’t mean that you want to be with the other couple all the time, but sex becomes more fun, more open.

You and your partner never had it better.

Talking To Each Other

The main glue that holds any relationship together is communication. Without the ability to talk, you won’t be able to sort out problems as they occur or prevent ones from happening.

And in terms of sharing sexual fantasies—well that will never happen if you’re too embarrassed or self-conscious.

A lot of people will blame the problem of non-communication on the male in the relationship, but it’s simply not true. When couples don’t talk, it’s both of the partners’ problems.

Actually, a lot of women remain quiet because they’ve learned to not ‘rock the boat’ in terms of saying things that may be less than favorable.

But this isn’t the time to worry about being gentle, you need to be honest.

Talk about your concerns and what MIGHT make you jealous before you even get into a couples swapping relationship.

And If I Feel Jealous After Everything Has Begun?

This is also completely normal to go through when you’ve just started couples swapping. Women especially are prone to feelings of low self worth when put into ‘competition’ with another woman.

Of course, once she realizes that she’s still number one to her partner, her confidence will grow.

But until that time, you will want to set up regular talks about how you’re feeling in the swinging relationship. Is there something that might help one of the partners feel more secure?

Many times couples can choose s signal or some sort of way to show each other their devotion.

It can be something as simple as making sure to caress and touch their partner before going off with another partner. You may also decide that you want to reserve certain actions (kissing on the lips, for example) for just the two of you.

This keeps that act a special moment reserved for your commitment to each other.

Is Jealousy Healthy?

Surprisingly enough, a certain degree of jealousy is healthy for a relationship because it naturally leads to a discussion of the importance of commitment. And it can lead to each partner revealing the depth of their love for each other.

Jealous can cause you to step back and revaluate your place in your partnership. It can point out the strengths and uncover the positive parts.

When it becomes unhealthy is when it’s used as a tool against the other person.

You don’t want to try to make someone jealous as that can be seen as some sort of test to a relationship. And that’s not the point of couples swapping. Your relationship should already be strong—constantly challenging each other does not help.

Couples swapping does not need to include jealousy, but if it should become an issue, take a breath and talk about it. It’s usually just a bump along the way, not a road block.

Suddenly, it can feel like a first date all over again. And it should in many respects. You want to impress the other couple, while also seeing if you can get along.

Before you go

Setting up a meeting in a non-sexual environment is the best place to begin. If you’ve met in a swingers club, you still want to take this step to see the other couple in a more ‘normal’ setting.

Talk about where you both want to meet. You may want to find somewhere  that will allow you to talk openly without worrying about others listening.

It’s time to look pretty now. Men, you need to look nice. This means dress shoes and dress pants. You can wear a nice shirt as well. I don’t think that a jacket or tie is necessary, unless the restaurant or meeting place is more upscale.

And for the women, you will want to dress to impress. Don’t be afraid to show off your best assets, without looking too provocative. Again, the setting can help to determine what you will want to wear. You want to blend in with everyone else.

Take showers (I hope that I didn’t have to say that) and wear a little cologne or perfume. Women, put on nice makeup and jewelry. Men, take the time to trim your facial hair (if you have any). Arrive on time.

When you’re there

You’ve all sat down, ordered some drinks and are starting to talk. At this point, you generally want to talk about everyday things—your jobs, your families, etc. If you feel uncomfortable sharing something, then you don’t have to. What’s important at this stage is seeing how you communicate.

If you’re sitting in silence, then it might not be a good sign for a swinging relationship. Likewise, if you can only talk to each other while drinking heavily, that too may not be a good sign. Watch the alcohol during the first few meetings.

You will generally be able to see if this is a couple for you because you’ll feel like friends, rather than strangers. And if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay, but be clear if you’re not interested at that point.

If all goes well…

This is the point where your open communication will come into play. If you’re feeling good about each other and you want more, then start talking about it.

Talk about what you want in a swinging relationship and see where the conversation goes. You may make plans for a more private meeting the next time.

Discuss rules that you may want to make and the terms of protection (both birth and STD) for everyone. This is no time to be shy, especially when you’re talking about your health and the health of someone else.

If you’re satisfied with your talk, then you can figure out your next meeting.

But there’s this little voice in the back of your head that’s telling you that it’s wrong somehow or that there has to be a catch because it sounds too good to be true. Let’s talk about what you can get out of swinging, because you may not know the facts.

Confidence

Confidence isn’t just about feeling good about what you look like or how much money you make. Confidence is about being secure in the person that you are.

Swinging can help you with this. If you’re been thinking about swinging for a while, you’ve probably put it off because you weren’t sure if another couple would like you or if you were open enough.

Let me tell you, after the first swinging experience, you will feel much more confident as the person that you are. Sometimes it just helps to jump in.

If you already think of yourself as a sexual person, then you may be confident in your abilities, but with another person, you might feel timid. You get used to your partner and what they like. When you’re with someone else, you can be hesitant.

Swinging teaches you to trust the person that you are and what you think someone else might like. You will be surprised at how right you can be. Talk about increasing your self-confidence…

Another side of confidence

But it doesn’t just stop at thinking that you’re some sort of sexual god or goddess. In terms of your current relationship, you will feel that being with another person only shows how deep your commitment truly is.

You can share these amazing experiences with someone else, but still love your partner. And they still love you.

Confidence in your own relationship is a plus of swinging.

Communication

Being able to communicate with your partner probably helped you with trying swinging to begin with. You sat down with each other and talked openly about what you wanted to do.

But after you’ve begun swinging, then you realize that you’re able to talk even more. Maybe you realize something about your current relationship that needs fixing.

After talking about having sexual relations with another person, these minor issues seem like nothing. And knowing that you can talk about anything will help you to get to the real problem and solve it without being judgmental. Of course, if you had communication problems to begin with, swinging can make you shut down even further.

Fun

There’s no doubt that swinging is fun and can give you a fresh perspective on your sexual relationship with your partner. Be up front about things that you’d like to try.

As silly as it sounds, you can even make a list (private, of course) for the both of you and cross off ‘adventures’ as you experience them. The list will grow longer, no doubt, so make sure to update it often.