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What may surprise you is that swingers actually report a better body image from the experience. By putting themselves ‘on display’ for someone other than their partner, their image of their self changes dramatically.

But why is this?

All Shapes And Sizes

If you’re going a lot of swingers clubs or events, then you’re bound to realize that no one is perfect. In fact, you’ll see that many swingers are just your normal, everyday people.

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We’re not all models or erotic dancers.

We’re teachers and retirees, factory workers and secretaries. We’re just your everyday people who like to enjoy swinging.

And by looking around and realizing that anyone and everyone can be beautiful, you’re well on your way to seeing how you fit into the grand scheme of things. Just fine, thank you.

Breaking The Stereotypes

When you realize that other swingers can look just like you, you begin to see that what is beautiful isn’t what we’ve been told necessarily.

What is pleasing to one person doesn’t apply to everyone. Men don’t always like big breasts or flat stomachs. Women aren’t searching for hard abs or massive shoulders.

Each of the genders can appreciate the other for who they are.

When you’re accepting your role in a swinging relationship, you’re showing another couple who you really are. And it’s your personality and your willingness to share yourself with others that really turns people on.

It’s not the size of your waist or the lift in your buttocks; it’s the fact that you love your partner so much that you want to share everything with him or her.

Seeing The Strength

As you progress in your swinging relationship, you will find that you constantly have feelings of overwhelming love for your partner. Not only have you both conquered some fears (probably), but you’ve also been able to share yourselves with another loving couple.

Realizing that your commitment is strong enough to start and continue such a transition will solidify your marriage or relationship.

And that in turn makes you feel better about yourself. You walk with your head held up high and with an air of confidence. You are an amazing person with an amazing partner—and no one can touch that.

Your body image will be positively affected by a swinging lifestyle, but that’s not all you can do. Focus on the good aspects of your body and celebrate that on your own.

And soon you’ll hear that little voice in your head tell you you’re hot all the time.

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Although you may never encounter this, couples swapping and jealousy is an important topic to discuss. And with a few simple discussions and plenty of honest communication, you can avoid having any troubles.

Swaping Couples

Talking To Each Other

The main glue that holds any relationship together is communication. Without the ability to talk, you won’t be able to sort out problems as they occur or prevent ones from happening.

And in terms of sharing sexual fantasies—well that will never happen if you’re too embarrassed or self-conscious.

A lot of people will blame the problem of non-communication on the male in the relationship, but it’s simply not true. When couples don’t talk, it’s both of the partners’ problems.

Actually, a lot of women remain quiet because they’ve learned to not ‘rock the boat’ in terms of saying things that may be less than favorable.

But this isn’t the time to worry about being gentle, you need to be honest.

Talk about your concerns and what MIGHT make you jealous before you even get into a couples swapping relationship.

And If I Feel Jealous After Everything Has Begun?

This is also completely normal to go through when you’ve just started couples swapping. Women especially are prone to feelings of low self worth when put into ‘competition’ with another woman.

Of course, once she realizes that she’s still number one to her partner, her confidence will grow.

But until that time, you will want to set up regular talks about how you’re feeling in the swinging relationship. Is there something that might help one of the partners feel more secure?

Many times couples can choose s signal or some sort of way to show each other their devotion.

It can be something as simple as making sure to caress and touch their partner before going off with another partner. You may also decide that you want to reserve certain actions (kissing on the lips, for example) for just the two of you.

This keeps that act a special moment reserved for your commitment to each other.

Is Jealousy Healthy?

Surprisingly enough, a certain degree of jealousy is healthy for a relationship because it naturally leads to a discussion of the importance of commitment. And it can lead to each partner revealing the depth of their love for each other.

Jealous can cause you to step back and revaluate your place in your partnership. It can point out the strengths and uncover the positive parts.

When it becomes unhealthy is when it’s used as a tool against the other person.

You don’t want to try to make someone jealous as that can be seen as some sort of test to a relationship. And that’s not the point of couples swapping. Your relationship should already be strong—constantly challenging each other does not help.

Couples swapping does not need to include jealousy, but if it should become an issue, take a breath and talk about it. It’s usually just a bump along the way, not a road block.

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So you’ve thought about swinging and it sounds pretty good. Your partner is interested and you’re ready to go.

Swinging clubs

But there’s this little voice in the back of your head that’s telling you that it’s wrong somehow or that there has to be a catch because it sounds too good to be true. Let’s talk about what you can get out of swinging, because you may not know the facts.

Confidence

Confidence isn’t just about feeling good about what you look like or how much money you make. Confidence is about being secure in the person that you are.

Swinging can help you with this. If you’re been thinking about swinging for a while, you’ve probably put it off because you weren’t sure if another couple would like you or if you were open enough.

Let me tell you, after the first swinging experience, you will feel much more confident as the person that you are. Sometimes it just helps to jump in.

If you already think of yourself as a sexual person, then you may be confident in your abilities, but with another person, you might feel timid. You get used to your partner and what they like. When you’re with someone else, you can be hesitant.

Swinging teaches you to trust the person that you are and what you think someone else might like. You will be surprised at how right you can be. Talk about increasing your self-confidence…

Another side of confidence

But it doesn’t just stop at thinking that you’re some sort of sexual god or goddess. In terms of your current relationship, you will feel that being with another person only shows how deep your commitment truly is.

You can share these amazing experiences with someone else, but still love your partner. And they still love you.

Confidence in your own relationship is a plus of swinging.

Communication

Being able to communicate with your partner probably helped you with trying swinging to begin with. You sat down with each other and talked openly about what you wanted to do.

But after you’ve begun swinging, then you realize that you’re able to talk even more. Maybe you realize something about your current relationship that needs fixing.

After talking about having sexual relations with another person, these minor issues seem like nothing. And knowing that you can talk about anything will help you to get to the real problem and solve it without being judgmental. Of course, if you had communication problems to begin with, swinging can make you shut down even further.

Fun

There’s no doubt that swinging is fun and can give you a fresh perspective on your sexual relationship with your partner. Be up front about things that you’d like to try.

As silly as it sounds, you can even make a list (private, of course) for the both of you and cross off ‘adventures’ as you experience them. The list will grow longer, no doubt, so make sure to update it often.

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My first reaction to this question is why not try swinging, but let’s talk about the real concerns of those that are just starting out. If you’re looking for outside reasons to try swinging, then you may want to stop for a moment and consider your own reasons. If you’re looking to try something new with your partner, then you’ve come to the right place.

swinging definition
If you’re looking to live out your own fantasies without any regard for the other people involved, then you might want to reconsider.

What swinging can do for you

When you’re in a stable relationship for a while, it’s normal to feel a sense of longing for something different. It isn’t because you love the other person less, but that you are just wondering what the feel of another’s skin would be like or how other fantasies might play out.

One of the ways to find out if you’re ready to try swinging is the manner in which you discuss the idea with your partner. If you’re having a difficult time broaching the subject, then you may not be ready.

If you have open lines of communication and a genuine respect for each other, then you won’t necessarily have a hard time talking to each other. Swinging has helped a lot of already strong couples become even stronger.

By sharing a new sexual experience with another person with your partner’s full knowledge, you may find that you can talk more freely about anything.

Confidence is another thing that’s often reported after a swinging experience.

You and your partner can go off and have a wonderful and satisfying adventure, but still come back to the partner that you love and want to spend your time with.

Swinging can also show you about yourself and the things that you are willing to try. Many women find that they are more about relating to other women. Of course, men need to realize that living out the fantasy of watching two women together is not something that always happens.

So, settle down boys.

What swinging will not do for you

Swinging is not a cure for a shaky relationship. It might seem like a great way to change up the relationship dynamics and infuse life into your marriage.

And it might for a while. But if communication is an issue or feeling of jealousy, swinging can not help. In fact, it may help to hasten the demise of your relationship.

Swinging also does not guarantee that you will be able to satisfy all of your fantasies. If you like to explore humiliation or other demeaning acts, then you are not necessarily in the right place.

Much of the enjoyment of swinging comes from being respective of another couple and allowing them the opportunity to enjoy their fantasies as they allow you yours.

Swinging is not for everyone. You may find that the fantasy is not the same as real life, or that the fantasy was enough. Do a little research before you dismiss it entirely, but realize that ‘no’ means ‘no’ and if your partner just isn’t interested, then you must oblige their wishes.

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So, you’ve decided that swinging is an option for you and your partner. You’ve looked at the information online or pored over books and done some research as a couple. What do you do now?

swinging couples

How do you meet another couple to explore swinging in an up close and personal way?

Finding the perfect fit

Being honest with each other as a couple will help you to determine what you want from your swinging experience. Are there certain fantasies that you’d like to enjoy together or separately?

Knowing exactly what you want will help to map out a lit of things that you’re looking for in another couple. Finding a couple that shares these fantasies is the ideal, but finding a couple that is open to trying new things will be too.

And what exactly are you as a couple open to outside of your own fantasies? Swinging isn’t just about you, so you want to make sure that you’re able to help another couple enjoy themselves as well. Are there things that are important to you? If so, keep these in mind when choosing another couple.

Where to go

Online swinger websites are the best way to hook up with other swingers in and around your area. You can confidentially talk with other interested couples to see if you’re compatible. And if not, you can discreetly move on.

Perhaps you want to try a swingers club. These can be found through word of mouth or also through online resources. Going to your local adult book store can also lead you to publications about swinging.

Take your time to look at all of the possibilities in looking for a swinging couple. And don’t give out your personal information until you’re comfortable with them.

Now that you’ve met…

So now that you’ve found a couple, what do you do now? This is especially confusing for those first-timers out there, but there’s no need to worry.

Talk with each other about a non-sexual meeting place so that you can all get the chance to know each other a bit better. See if you get along. If you’ve met in a swingers club, then you may not have had a chance to see how you communicate.

Take this time to be honest about what you are expecting and what you do not want from a swinging experience. Much like meeting any new people, watching body language will help you to see if things are going well, or if they aren’t. And if you all get along, then you can begin to talk about meeting up for a more personal conversation. Or lack thereof.

Much like interviewing for a job, you want to look for another couple whose interests match yours and with whom you can talk openly about what is working and what isn’t. This is no time to be shy.

And if you feel that it isn’t going to work out, then that’s okay too. There are plenty of other couples looking for people just like you.

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Although swinging is a great way to branch out from your ordinary experience, there are some things that you want to keep in mind to keep everyone happy and safe.

NO means NO

Swinging Girl

If you are in a swinging experience and another person decides that they don’t want to participate or changes their mind about something that they are doing, you must listen to them.

This is not a game of pushing limits, so if someone is uncomfortable, then you must be ready to stop. They might not be ready for something just yet. Maybe they will be later.

Respect

Being in a sexual experience or situation with someone else can be an exhilarating experience, but only if you feel like you are being treated with respect.

You don’t want anyone being rude or judgmental to you, do you? On the same note, if the couples in the situation have set certain rules of play, then you need to honor them.

Rejection

If you are rejected, then try not to take it personally. Being in this open and honest environment is extremely satisfying, but also very honest. If someone is not interested, then move on. It’s nothing personal.

Jealousy

If you or your partner experiences any feelings of jealousy, then you want to talk about them right away. Find out what made you jealous and try to compromise on a way to solve the issue. Don’t keep quiet about it, it can make it even worse.

Common sense

If you feel uncomfortable with a person, then remove yourself from the situation. Even if your partner is happy, trust yourself and your feelings to guide you to safe and happy swinging experiences.

Watch another person’s body language. If they look uncomfortable, stop what you are doing or saying. If they seem to be responding to you, then you’re in a good groove.

Privacy matters

The life of swinging involves a certain amount of discretion for everyone involved. Since not everyone is as open as you, you will need to feel as though whatever goes on in the swinging situation will stay between the persons involved. Activities are not shared with ANYONE else, only with each other.

Honoring your partner

Make sure that your partner realizes that they are the most important part of the swinging experience. Don’t just arrive at the club or other location and dash off with someone else. Take the time to touch and be affectionate with your partner before going onto anything else.

Show them that they are the number one in your life. Find a way to show each other that you’re thinking of them. Some couples like to reserve certain acts for each other alone. And leaving together at the end of the fun also shows your commitment to each other.

Taking the time to set up rules before starting to swing will help you avoid any problems in the future. Research everything and make sure to communicate with your partner. And have fun!

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When you first start out in swinging, then you may find that you become jealous of your partner during or after the experience. Is this normal to feel like this? Or to not feel jealous at all?

If you’ve taken your time to discuss your swinging desires, then you may never have to deal with this. But it’s best you know a little either way.

Swinging terms

Talking it out

The easiest rule to jealousy in swinging is to talk about it. As soon as you begin to feel the jealousy, you want to sit down with your partner and talk about what concerns you. Many times, one person in the relationship feels jealous because the other ‘did more’ than they did.

And it’s not a competition, but you might feel that your partner and whomever they were swinging with suddenly have a deeper connection.

A lot of times, jealousy also happens because the relationship was shaky to begin with. If you and your partner are having a lot of fights, or just aren’t communicating well, then you have to be careful.

If you have a moment of feeling jealous, sit down with your partner and discuss EXACTLY what made you uncomfortable. Maybe it will just take changing your personal rules for each other to help with the feelings of jealousy.

Some couple save kissing for just each other and won’t allow it between their partner and someone else. This is just one of many ideas to show commitment to each other.

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Anywhere that you feel safe and secure is a great place to swing, in my opinion. And clubs can be that great place.

Not only are you in an environment that is totally supportive, but there aren’t games to be played or expectations. You come when you’re ready to come, and you play as much as you want.
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Are These Places Dirty?

Unlike a lot of the sex clubs, swingers clubs are filled with clean cut, professional men and women. The general age of members is anywhere from late twenties to mid-fifties, so you’re sure to feel at home with one of the age groups.

Many of the swingers clubs have dress codes that are strictly enforced. Of course, they may have theme nights from time to time, but most of the time, it’s completely option.

But a lot of fun.

And as for the ‘dirty’ part, it depends on what you’re using for a definition. If you’re talking about breaching sexual borders and allowing couples to mingle, then yes, they are ‘dirty.’ If you’re talking about the physical presence of dirt, then no, these are high-class establishments that have to follow health code rules, just like everyone else.

Are The Clubs Safe To Go To?

Swingers clubs employ a staff of security to help you in case you should feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

The staff at most of the clubs are easily available if you have any questions, plus many require you to call ahead to have an on-phone interview. This ensures that you are a couple that will fit in with everyone else, as well as follow the rules that you are given.

If you do get turned down for a club, then you may want to revaluate why you want to try swinging in the first place. Or try another club.

Where Can I Find Swingers Clubs?

Word of mouth and local advertising are the best ways to find local swinger events. In some cities, there may not be clubs that are listed, but through the local adult video store, you may be able to find listings for swinger parties.

Be very discerning about which events you choose to go to. Call the coordinator and ask a lot of questions. If they hesitate or refuse to answer things, then you may want to avoid their party.

Do I Have To Do Anything?

This is the biggest question of swingers clubs—do you have to participate in the sexual fun?

Of course not.

Many couples go to meet other couples at a later time. Or some other folks just go to watch couples mingle with one another. The level of your participation is up to your comfort level.

Most clubs have polices about not pressuring other members, so you can feel at ease from the time you walk in to the time that you leave.

A swingers club can be a great way to celebrate your sexual identity without having to ‘do’ anything. Many couples find that this is the perfect method to sample the swinging life to see if it’s something that will work for them.

And without names, you can be anonymous as well.

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When most people think of swinging for adults, they think of two couples getting together for a series of sexual adventures. And in many cases, this is true, but if you’re single, don’t feel left out.

swinger clubs

You can jump in as well. And there are plenty of single guys and gals who have gotten to fulfill their fantasies with a couple that was looking for a single to add to the mix.

There are no rules as to numbers in swinging. Some like threesomes, and others like more. How much can you handle?

Why you might have trouble

A lot of men in particular are looking to fulfill their fantasy of a threesome with two attractive women. And they can do so, but it’s something that doesn’t happen all of the time.

The biggest problem with this scenario is that many of the men take it for granted that the women are just nymphomaniacs that want to be pleasured and not treated well. That’s a great way to never have the opportunity again.

This isn’t just about your fantasy; this is about respecting the couple’s wishes as well. Being polite and up front about what you want from this swinging experience will help to gauge if you have met the right folks to have a good time with.

The bisexuality question

A lot of singles are concerned that they have to be a bisexual in order to get into swinging. It’s an interesting question. And it’s one that really doesn’t have a clear answer because you don’t have to be anything but open-minded.

Many swingers are just curious and want to try out something new or watch their partner try out a fantasy. That said, it’s also fairly reasonable to state how you feel up front so that there’s no confusion as to who is with who.

So, you don’t have to be bisexual, but being open beforehand and during the swinging experience might show you things that you may never have considered. Many women find that they are more open to being with another woman, than men are with other men.

Where singles can go

Look in personal ads or online for couples that are looking for a single. It’s really that easy. Go to your local swinger club or to the nearest adult video store for swinger publications. The online swinging dating revolution has created a safe way to meet up with others.

You don’t have to reveal anything personal until you find the perfect couple, so you can carefully screen all of the potential play mates. Keep your eyes open and you’ll be able to find someone to help you with your swinger fantasy.

In the meantime, think about why you aren’t actively in a relationship. If you’re just looking for sex, swinging can do that, but it won’t be anything meaningful for you. And it’s rather selfish to only think of your self when the other people involved are hoping for a memorable experience.

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To me, the definition of swinging is pure fun and excitement, but let’s dispense with the nitty gritty.

Swingers don’t wear signs or get tattooed to show their off-hours activities. In fact, you may not recognize someone who swings at all. Some couples have reported going to swingers clubs, only to run into their next door neighbors!
Swinger
What we look like

Swingers come in all shapes and sizes and genders. We can be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. There really aren’t any restrictions. The only limitations are those of your creativity.

If you want some better statistics, then let’s talk about the majority of swingers. Most of us are anywhere from our late twenties to our early fifties. Many of us are already married and looking to take our sexual experience to the next level.

Most swingers are well-groomed, well-dressed, and just your everyday man or woman.

Why we’re swinging

You might wonder why a decent, attractive couple or single is looking to try swinging. There doesn’t seem to be a clear reason if they already have a partner to share sexual relations with. Do you really want to know?

Most of the swinging couples aren’t having troubles or are looking to change their relationship; they’re actually looking to increase their intimacy. Living out fantasies of being with another person in a safe and open environment can bring greater communication and appreciation of your partner.

Experienced swingers report that even after twenty years (!) of swinging, they are better able to talk with their partner and sort out unrelated problems than they would have been without the swinging experience.

How we’re swinging

But what you really want to know is what exactly happens when you’re swinging. Come on, you’ve thought about it.

For the beginner swinger, you’ll find that you can go to a club or out with another couple and just watch the ‘festivities’ without having to participate.

If that’s not enough, then you can progress to interacting with another couple or single in a safe environment (think a club or a mutually chosen location). This doesn’t mean that you have to have sex, but it can involve touching and exploring another person while your partner is in the same room. And moving onto some harder swinging, this is where there are still rules, but the playbook changes, becoming much bigger.

You can go ahead and have intercourse with another person, either with or without the presence of your partner. And I could go into more details, but I’ll leave your imagination to fill in the blanks.

Swinging is experiencing sex and intimacy with another couple or person because your current relationship is strong. You want to try something new and are curious about interacting with another person, gender, or sexual arena. And at the end of the night, you still go home with your partner—more open and more committed to each other.

Swinging opens up all kinds of things for a couple.

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