When You’re In The Shower

You will want to take a shower because a bath might make you sleepy for the rest of the evening—and you don’t want that.

Before you get into the shower, make sure that you have a razor, shaving scream, face soap, and anything else that you normally need. With everything on your mind right now, you don’t want to have to keep getting out for things that you have forgotten.

Wash your body very carefully first. You can scrub with one of those poofy sponges and some bath gel for a light, clean scent. You will want to use lukewarm water so that your skin doesn’t dry out too much.

Wash your hair carefully and don’t use too much conditioner. If your hair is generally clean to begin with, you may even want to skip this step. Hair that is slightly dirty is much easier to style.

After you’ve been in the shower for a while, you’re ready to shave. Shave your legs completely and don’t forget the underarms. Of course, you can omit these steps altogether for personal preference.

Another Shaving Question

Most women want to know if they should shave their private area completely.

This is completely up to you and your comfort level. One thing to note is that if you’ve never done it before this night, it will not end well. This skin is very sensitive and you could end up with a nasty rash.

If you are planning on giving it a try, you will want to start the process out a few weeks a head of time. Start by trimming the hair down and then go ahead and use a razor, depilatory, or wax (ouch). Or you can go to a salon to have this done.

A lot of men like the ‘bare’ approach, while other men prefer a half and half layout. It’s interesting to note that the less there is, the more excited you can get. Just a thought.

Dressing It Up

Get out your best lingerie ladies. This is the time for the ‘fun’ stuff that’s been sitting in your drawer. Or maybe you want to buy something special for the occasion. A nice bra and panty set is best.

Wear a nice outfit that is revealing, but in a classy way. You may feel comfortable showing a little cleavage, but you may want to keep it subtle when you’re wearing a short skirt.

Makeup Or Not?

Since it’s going to be an exciting night, you do want to put a little makeup on to make yourself look fantastic. Like the clothes, you will want to play up your best features.

A nice dark lipstick (if it looks good on you) is best with softer makeup on the rest of the face.

You may also want to consider waterproof and smudge resistance makeup to keep the look on until you get home.

First things first, you need to get ready for the other couple. This isn’t the time to go for a run, throw on a t-shirt and just go over to someone’s house for a night of erotic pleasure.

No, no, no. There’s a better way and don’t worry, it’s not going to take longer than a half an hour.

Cleaning Up

Although most of this information should be common sense, we’re going to go over it anyways. Your excitement might have clouded over some of the finer points of personal grooming.

Take a shower or a bath. A shower is fine.

You would be surprised at how many men think that being sweaty is sexy—uh, no. Your wife or significant other might think it is okay, but if you’re planning on being with anyone else, it’s best to err on the side of sanitary.

Take a nice scented soap and clean every area of your body. Work your way down from your hair to your toes. This way, you’ve hit everything and the water washed off all the soap completely.

Nothing is less sexy than a mouth full of soap.

Focus on areas that get dirty—hands, feet, underarms, and your private region. If anything might be licked, it needs to be exquisitely clean.

And if you have any areas that are rough, just throw a little unscented lotion there. Rough hands on smooth skin equal icky feeling.

The Question Of Shaving

When it comes to shaving, you want to check with the other couple to see if there are any preferences. Of course, if you already have a full beard, this isn’t the time to hack it off. But if you have some stubble, see if that’s okay or even welcomed.

If in doubt, go as smooth as you can on your face.

And as for any other shaving that you might question, some women may find it attractive for a man to trim their body hair. Again, this is up to you in the end, but if you know that there is a preference, it’s best to take care of that.

What To Wear

Many women or other men may not mind you showing up in casual clothing, but for the first few times, you may want to go for something a little dressier. Find a nice dress shirt or polo shirt and pair it with clean dress pants and nice shoes.

You’ll be amazed how much attention you’ll get for dressing it up.

Although you’re kind of on a date with an obvious ending, you don’t want to do anything that might change the outcome. And for beginners, you may want to show that you are respectful of another’s tastes as well.

And these rules can change. Down the road, you can go more casual or dress it up in a different way (cops and robbers, anyone?).

Still, I have to point out that swinging isn’t for everyone, so don’t take this list to a reluctant partner to try to sway them. Of course, you may want to leave it out so that they can peruse it at their own pace…

Confidence

As a woman, I can tell you that confidence isn’t something that comes naturally in terms of sexual activity. We’re taught that men are superior in this respect and that women should follow their lead in everything.

When you start swinging, however, you are thrust into a realm of being up front about your needs and your desires. It isn’t all about pleasing the man anymore, but it’s about getting what you crave, what you’ve dreamt in your mind.

Your confidence soars as you begin to find that you can be sexual with someone that you’re not used to and yet still pleasure them, as well as yourself. Your partner will notice for sure.

Body Image

Although this conversation is linked to women most of the time, let’s not forget about the men. While media and celebrity news make us believe that all women should be a certain size, men are equally as judged.

Men see ripped abs and chiseled cheekbones, and quietly think to themselves if they’re all that good too? Are their penises big enough?

When you’ve been with your partner for a while, you may fall into a sense of comfort about what you look like. They love you and that’s all that matters. When you begin swinging, that self-assuredness will be tested.

And you’ll win in the end.

This other person wants someone different. They’ve probably already seen you and complimented you on something. Talk about feeling sexually charged and gorgeous—and now you’ve got more than one person telling you that.

Some women might find that compliments from another woman are the most pleasing, as we all seem to be so judgmental in public.

Better Communication

Not only do couples find it easier to talk to each other before they even start swinging, but afterwards—the floodgates of talking are opened.

When you can talk about sex, sex with another person with your partner, or amongst your group, you can talk about anything.

It will make you more open in the outside world as well. Granted, you may not talk about your swinging with others, but you may find that you can be more self-assured and thus more willing to start a conversation with someone that you normally wouldn’t.

Increased Sexual Drive

Of course, I haven’t done any scientific research on this, but I can tell you from my own experience that your sex drive goes up—a lot.

It’s kind of like the snowball effect. When you get exactly what you want, you want it again, and again, and again. And that doesn’t mean that you want to be with the other couple all the time, but sex becomes more fun, more open.

You and your partner never had it better.

But why is this?

All Shapes And Sizes

If you’re going a lot of swingers clubs or events, then you’re bound to realize that no one is perfect. In fact, you’ll see that many swingers are just your normal, everyday people.

We’re not all models or erotic dancers.

We’re teachers and retirees, factory workers and secretaries. We’re just your everyday people who like to enjoy swinging.

And by looking around and realizing that anyone and everyone can be beautiful, you’re well on your way to seeing how you fit into the grand scheme of things. Just fine, thank you.

Breaking The Stereotypes

When you realize that other swingers can look just like you, you begin to see that what is beautiful isn’t what we’ve been told necessarily.

What is pleasing to one person doesn’t apply to everyone. Men don’t always like big breasts or flat stomachs. Women aren’t searching for hard abs or massive shoulders.

Each of the genders can appreciate the other for who they are.

When you’re accepting your role in a swinging relationship, you’re showing another couple who you really are. And it’s your personality and your willingness to share yourself with others that really turns people on.

It’s not the size of your waist or the lift in your buttocks; it’s the fact that you love your partner so much that you want to share everything with him or her.

Seeing The Strength

As you progress in your swinging relationship, you will find that you constantly have feelings of overwhelming love for your partner. Not only have you both conquered some fears (probably), but you’ve also been able to share yourselves with another loving couple.

Realizing that your commitment is strong enough to start and continue such a transition will solidify your marriage or relationship.

And that in turn makes you feel better about yourself. You walk with your head held up high and with an air of confidence. You are an amazing person with an amazing partner—and no one can touch that.

Your body image will be positively affected by a swinging lifestyle, but that’s not all you can do. Focus on the good aspects of your body and celebrate that on your own.

And soon you’ll hear that little voice in your head tell you you’re hot all the time.

Since you’re already laid down the guidelines for what kind of events may happen, you now need the perfect setting to get the night off to a perfect start.

Location, Location, Location

When you’re starting off in wife swapping, you want to be completely comfortable with the other couple (or single, etc). Choosing a place that suits everyone is a great way to begin.

Many times, a house or hotel room might be chosen.

I personally don’t like the sterility of a hotel room, so I will talk about being at someone’s house and you can apply these ideas to anywhere that you choose.

Creating an inviting environment starts with talking to everyone about things that they find seductive. Just talking about the evening may be erotic enough, but picking a house that is quiet and secluded may create the mood that you’re looking for.

Turning Down The Lights

It’s seemed clichéd to light a bunch of candles for a seduction scene, but it really works. The soft glow of the candles creates lighting that works for all skin tones and types, lessening any imperfections that may exist.

The other bonus to a few flickering candles is that you can settle any remaining nerves in virtual darkness.

There’s a sense of privacy that comes in almost complete darkness and your inhibitions can retreat in that safe feeling.

Fun Extras

You may also find that a few additional comforts can add to your planned evening. I like to spread pillows and soft blankets out in any of the rooms that may be used throughout the course of the night.

If you don’t have anyone with allergies or sensitivities, you may find that lighting a little incense is a great idea—sandalwood is incredibly erotic.

Although this might not sound like ‘fun’ as such, having plenty of protection available will make for a safe and fun adventure. Condoms and spermicides in every locale will ensure that your bases (and other things) are covered.

Making Everyone Comfortable

The first time of wife swapping is the time for compliments and more compliments. This is no time to be judgmental (if there ever is one) or make the other person feel that they’re not doing well.

If something isn’t going as well as it could, gently guide the other person down a better path and show them how much pleasure you are feeling for it.

Privacy Matters

There’s nothing that can kill a mood faster than an unexpected interruption.

Turn off all of the phones, cellular phones, pagers, faxes, etc. You do not want to have the chance that something could break your concentration during a particularly important moment.

Send any children to a sitter or relative’s house and make sure that any animals are kept out of the way as well.

If you’re concerned about an actual emergency, then set up some way to communicate that.

Other than that, draw the shades and blinds, turn off the porch light, and lock all the doors. You’re in for the night until you leave or retreat to your separate sleeping areas.

Have you and your partner talking about what’s okay to do and what isn’t?

Each couple will be different in determining the rules of play when hard swinging, but here are some things to keep in mind or try for your selves.

Talk about your fantasies. Is your husband into watching two women, or are you ready to see your husband pleasure someone else? What do you really want to play out? Be honest when you talk with your partner.

This isn’t a bartering session; this is a time for you to lay everything out on the table to make sure that you aren’t hurting the relationship that you already have.

One of the worst things that you can do is not talk about the details ahead of time, and either feel pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready for, or watching your partner do something that you aren’t ready to see.

And talk with the other couple too. If you’re uncomfortable about fellatio or some other act, then say it.

You may even want to write out a sort of contract, and sign it.

Since you may not be in each other’s sight, knowing exactly what your partner will and will not be doing can set a beginner’s mind at ease.

Starting The Fun…

When you’re in the room with your new playmate, you want to try to make the scene comfortable. If you’ve talked ahead of time, this won’t be difficult.

You can start by talking or just moving closer to each other.

It’s amazing what a sexy environment can do as well. Maybe candles and incense can make for a sultry atmosphere, or maybe you just want to get down to business.

Start with exploring their body. Touch and feel each inch. Make compliments as you go, but don’t talk about comparisons. This moment is about the other person and making them feel special.

There will come a point when your bodies will figure out how to move with each other. Keep the other’s fantasies in mind.

Did they want you to try something in particular, or did they want you to surprise them?

If at any point you are uncomfortable or need to stop the festivities, then do so. Immediately.

This is not a game in the sense that someone wins and someone loses. You are working together to overcome sexual boundaries and fulfil fantasies. You both still have someone to go home with.

And if you want to continue the swinging relationship, you have to be able to trust each other completely.

At this point, if it’s been agreed upon, go ahead and have sex with the other person—careful to stay protected and safe. Savor the feeling of release of orgasm as you lie in someone else’s arms.

Savor the satisfaction.

There are certain factors that you should consider and weigh heavily as you choose someone to swing with:

Honesty

You need to find people that are going to be honest with you. These are people that tell you what their needs are, what they do not like, and what their fantasies are.

You want to see all of their cards before you play any games.

If you should catch them in a lie, then you will need to figure out if they are someone that you want to spend your time with. This is especially true when you are meeting someone online; as you want to be sure that you are not in a dangerous situation.

One of the red flags for a con artist is someone whose story changes as they talk with you. Perhaps they tell you where they live and then suddenly, they mention living somewhere else.

My advice? Get as far away as possible when you run into a liar.

Open Communication

When you’re being honest, that’s great, but can you talk about things as they arise? When wife swapping, there can be a lot of complicated issues that need to be discussed.

These can include jealousy, new fantasies, and roleplaying ideas, just as examples.

You need to be able to frankly talk about what you want and what you don’t want from your swinging experience. You’re human and your feelings may change on what you originally intended for the relationship.

Being able to talk through these shifts is vital to maintaining your swinging relationship.

If you feel uncomfortable in any way, take things slower. And if they still do not improve, it may be time to move on.

Similar Fantasies

You don’t have to share the same fantasies, but you may want to look for couples that are interested in the same things. Whether you’re interested in roleplaying or bondage games, you want to be able to share in these things.

On the other hand, you may want to keep particular fantasies for your own relationship as a way to show your commitment to each other.

Finding Matching Goals

Although you may not want to share every fantasy, perhaps you are looking to overcome some issues that you have with particular sexual acts.

If this is the case, then you may want to bring this up with another couple to see if this is something that you can all explore. For example, if you are a woman who is interested in touching another woman, then you will want to see if this is something that would be okay.

Of course, many men would jump at the idea of watching such a scene, but the other woman must be comfortable as well.

Finding the right couple will take time and effort, but be strict about things that are important to you and to a relationship in general. You’re sure to find someone that fits the description of swinging ecstasy.

If you’re in a weaker relationship in which you fight or lack communication skills, then you may not want to attempt couples swapping just yet.

Work on your relationship first before adding something else to the turbulent pot. Going to a marriage or couples counselor can be the best way to get your communication back on track.

And as for the rest of you that are jumping into couples swapping from a strong relationship platform, you’re in luck.

Just Gets Stronger

When you’re confidant about you relationship, you’re ready for whatever challenges lie ahead of you. It could be illness or the loss of a loved one, but no matter what, you stand beside each other and support them.

When you enter into the world of swinging, you will find that your limits as to what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ may be tested. If one of you was brought up in a religious setting, you may have feelings of guilt.

Talk through these to see if they are founded in anything that can be worked out.

Perhaps you are concerned that someone else in the swinging relationship will look better or be more appealing than you—talk about it.

The beauty of an already strong relationship is that you have a track record for being honest and open, so there’s no need to feel that it will change when the conversation turns to swinging.

And if you can talk about having sex with someone else, then whoever’s turn it is to do the dishes becomes a lot less difficult.

Commitment

A lot of beginning couples to swinging are concerned that their commitment to each other will be altered with the addition of another person. If anything, this commitment is strengthened by the presence of someone else.

How so

Not only are you arriving with your partner, having talked about exploring swinging together, but you are also giving each other permission to enjoy personal fantasies.

And at the end of the evening, you go home with each other because you are a partnership, a committed partnership.

Knowing that your partner always comes back to you makes your relationship stronger. There’s no need to worry about them running off with anyone because they’ve been given the chance, but didn’t take it.

Marriages that are already strong, but are looking for something to spice up their sexual relations, are a great way to start couples swinging. Not only is swinging exciting and arousing, but it also uncovers any last dark corners of your relationship and shows you how strong you really are.

Talking To Each Other

The main glue that holds any relationship together is communication. Without the ability to talk, you won’t be able to sort out problems as they occur or prevent ones from happening.

And in terms of sharing sexual fantasies—well that will never happen if you’re too embarrassed or self-conscious.

A lot of people will blame the problem of non-communication on the male in the relationship, but it’s simply not true. When couples don’t talk, it’s both of the partners’ problems.

Actually, a lot of women remain quiet because they’ve learned to not ‘rock the boat’ in terms of saying things that may be less than favorable.

But this isn’t the time to worry about being gentle, you need to be honest.

Talk about your concerns and what MIGHT make you jealous before you even get into a couples swapping relationship.

And If I Feel Jealous After Everything Has Begun?

This is also completely normal to go through when you’ve just started couples swapping. Women especially are prone to feelings of low self worth when put into ‘competition’ with another woman.

Of course, once she realizes that she’s still number one to her partner, her confidence will grow.

But until that time, you will want to set up regular talks about how you’re feeling in the swinging relationship. Is there something that might help one of the partners feel more secure?

Many times couples can choose s signal or some sort of way to show each other their devotion.

It can be something as simple as making sure to caress and touch their partner before going off with another partner. You may also decide that you want to reserve certain actions (kissing on the lips, for example) for just the two of you.

This keeps that act a special moment reserved for your commitment to each other.

Is Jealousy Healthy?

Surprisingly enough, a certain degree of jealousy is healthy for a relationship because it naturally leads to a discussion of the importance of commitment. And it can lead to each partner revealing the depth of their love for each other.

Jealous can cause you to step back and revaluate your place in your partnership. It can point out the strengths and uncover the positive parts.

When it becomes unhealthy is when it’s used as a tool against the other person.

You don’t want to try to make someone jealous as that can be seen as some sort of test to a relationship. And that’s not the point of couples swapping. Your relationship should already be strong—constantly challenging each other does not help.

Couples swapping does not need to include jealousy, but if it should become an issue, take a breath and talk about it. It’s usually just a bump along the way, not a road block.