Honesty and openness are vital to a good relationship. However, they are not sufficient for a great relationship.

Other attributes such as being pretty or handsome, lovely, cute, charming, etc., are common and get the relationship started. However, over time, these traits fade in terms of motivation to keep the relationship going forward. If there aren’t some strong values and interests that you both have, then the relationship is doomed to either separation or unhappiness. (Some people value a trophy wife or subserviant maid, and if that’s enough for you, then disregard the rest of this.)

It’s my goal in this article to address the above issues in the context of having a Thai girlfriend. I know this article has a lot yet to be written on the cultural elements, but human nature is pretty much the same everywhere, and I wish to emphasize those elements which I see as key elements over and over with guys I know who have Thai girlfriends and wives, and issues I’ve had over and over myself.

By “relationship”, I don’t necessarily mean a wife. There are relationships where both sides find each other interesting and mutually benefit and learn for awhile. Some Thai ladies like to learn the foreigner ways, just as you may find Thai culture and its differences from your own to be interesting. Many Thai ladies also benefit from exposure to the lifestyle of a foreigner due to his higher spending power. They go to nice places for dining and entertainment, watch expat friends in action, and basically you’re a “walking farang entertainment center”.

But what’s in it for you?

• “Love” and affection
• Assistance in living in Thailand where you learn things (translations, explanations)
• Homemaking (laundry, shopping, good food), save you time and hassle
• Work – outside income or helps you with your business
• Intellectual input and stimulation (analysis from a different perspective, news, research, etc.)
• Sex
• Loyalty and security (especially during times of financial or other difficulty, though you might get dumped during financial hard times)

Homekeeping and work may be inversely proportional. If she works, then you should have a maid, though she should manage the maid if you live in Thailand.

The usual woman’s story is that her boyfriend/husband is a “butterfly” (“chao-choo”) and that’s why it failed. Blame the man. Save her own face. In Thailand, saving face is very important, and even if she’s not telling the whole story, maybe it’s better to accept being as the scapegoat and moving on. To do otherwise, and make her lose face, may be dangerous.

However, the question is this: If the man is a butterfly, then why? Is it his fault or her fault for him being unfaithful?

Maybe he’s a stupid man who just goes after young, pretty, sexy girls with little value for other traits. If so, then why does he want a girlfriend, as valuing sexual variety is incompatible with having a girlfriend. She’s also made a mistake in choice of mate. Notably, I don’t think that all the sex entertainment is too much of a temptation for a marriage, as a man really doesn’t get quality fulfillment from entertainment girls, and if he desires to partake, he really shouldn’t take them seriously, either, just a ****-and-forget fling for a couple of hours or so, and he’s stupid if he’s not discreet enough.

However, when it comes to a serious relationship on the side, often it’s her fault for not earning her mate’s loyalty.

Here is a common experience in Thailand: A man meets a lady. He gets serious because she expresses that she has common interests. He tries her out for a partner in life’s daily things, and she gets an opportunity. What happens?

Once she thinks she’s “got him” (after the first few weeks, maybe a month or so), she expects him to take care of her, while she does less and less to take care of him … or herself. She sits around watching TV, yacking on the phone with friends, and reading trash magazines. On Internet, she doesn’t do valuable things but wastes time on surfing elsewhere, e-mail with worthless friends and chat. Trivial fun is fine, and everyone does it themself just like everyone else. But not all the time. It must be mixed with worthwhile, fulfilling activities.

Most ladies in prostitution have at least one child and no husband — a boyfriend or husband who just walked away and takes no financial or other responsibility. They are single parents. (I might question their choice of boyfriend/husband, but I’ve made foolish choices of girlfriend in my life, too, when I was a teenager.)

I have a huge amount of respect for prostitutes who save money and not only leave the profession permanently with no desire to return, but who also try to improve their life, e.g., by working to help their husband as homemaker or starting their own business such as selling clothes on the street or opening their own salon or whatever. There are many of these ex-prostitutes.

However, most prostitutes are lazy and just live day to day.

I’m convinced that the select population of career prostitutes are those who have certain personality tendencies.

Look at how they get introduced into the trade, who stays, vs. who doesn’t follow thru or who quits soon thereafter. Many, many ladies have a trusted childhood friend who has a lot of money from prostitution, has become more sophisticated, and helps their family (usually).

This childhood friend often introduces more ladies from the village to the trade. Some friends turn away immediately when they see how she’s making her money, and some others may try it once and quit. Others will slowly try it but stay for awhile, hopefully finding a rich foreign boyfriend. However, some try it and dive right in enthusiastically!

Those who stay tend to be extroverted, sensational rather than intuitive, lazy and don’t think much. For example, they often like to gamble. Gambling and prostitution are often associated with each other because they are both thrill activities. Not far away is usually drugs. These people will not occupy themselves with self-improvement activities, but will just take the next reactive, easy thrill.

The typical prostitute will never run a business of her own, or even do the home laundry or dishes. Anything that requires self-discipline and real work is not something they’re going to do. They will sit around and watch TV all day until it’s time to go to the go-go bar or pickup joint to get screwed — “make money on their backs”. Even if factories paid more, they would not go work there.

These ladies have no purpose in life, and if they’re not getting screwed then they will be vegetating in front of the TV or hanging around playing cards and gambling. So they may as well provide the occasional relief that some busy guys need.

From the Thai perspective, their main purpose in life is to serve working men by providing sexual entertainment, to bring skilled foreign men and tourist money into Thailand, and to bring their money into the countryside.

The differences in education and experiences between the man and the lady is often vast.

People’s personalities don’t change. Maybe the children of prostitutes will become more productive members of society (especially if they’re raised in a different environment), but the prostitutes themselves will not, in the vast majority of cases.

The difference between a typical prostitute and a typical mainstream lady are like night and day. (However, you have exceptions in both categories.)

A lot of foreigners consider paying 1000 baht for sex to be cheap, and they don’t care what the lady does with it. I look at it this way: The typical university graduate starts at a salary of around 10,000 baht per month, or 500 baht per DAY.

Why should guys be paying ladies that kind of money to lay on their backs and spread their legs? Look at how a lot of those ladies blow money — taking taxis instead of buses, partying with friends, and so on. If they were sending the money home, that’s different. The choosy ones don’t get a customer every day, so they get a higher “consultant’s pay scale”. When I do people watching, and talk with ladies, these are the kinds of things that go thru my mind, and perhaps my own moral judgements / opinions.

In any case, it’s a free world out there, and as long as they aren’t bothering anyone else, and all this is consensual private business, then live and let live. Wildlife. Animal Planet: Showcase Sukhumvit. It’s their background, subculture/personality, and realistic profession options. At least they’re contributing some service to the GNP as entertainers (and exporting for foreign cash influx) instead of sitting at home watching TV and mooching off of siblings.

What worked for me in Thailand is a variation of what happens in the west. The main difference is that Thais are more playful on average, and usually less serious except conformists from conservative families. You should joke as much as you can.

Eventually, she will visit your home, initially with a friend in most situations.

It helps to have a nice and comfortable place. Here is what I recommend:

Nice music is essential. I have a computer whose hard disk is loaded with MP3 music and prepared playlists. Different playlists for different moods and stages. A mix of Thai and farang music. Mainly pop and romantic. I don’t shuffle CD’s, but instead convert them to MP3, copy them to the hard disk, and store away the original in a box somewhere. Of course, my computer is connected to my stereo.

A clean place is vital.

Comfortable places to sit down should be apparent.

Nice decor.

Photo albums of your home and your life.

Air conditioning can help a lot. I keep it on the very cool side.

Lots of pillows and things soft and thick.

A TV with some romantic and other kinds of videos can be nice.

Just in case, better have some condoms in the drawer beside the bed.

Eventually, it may come to an increasingly physical encounter, that 3 letter word. Thai ladies are much more shy about their bodies when it comes to anything serious physically. The keyword here is “sensitive”. There won’t be much variety on the menu for awhile.

Strength in numbers?

When you talk to an experienced swinger, you will find that they didn’t want to try swinging for the sex, but for the experience. Their marriages may have been plenty strong going into the whole adventure, but one or both of the partners just wanted a little something different and new.

They didn’t love each other any less, but rather, they wanted to add another dimension to their relationship. And by making the decision together, they created a way to communicate with each other more openly and honestly, leading to overall better communication skills (outside sexual matters).

Why swinging isn’t cheating

One of the main concerns that couples struggle with is their mindset of thinking that swinging is cheating on their partner in some way. And this can be a deterrent for a while to act upon this fantasy. What makes swinging different from cheating is that the two of you have decided to share this experience together.

There’s nothing secretive about being with this other person. You know exactly what your partner is doing and you’ve talked about why. You’re hoping to share this new adventure with your partner—together. And this is why being open will make swinging even better for the both of you.

Saving a weak marriage

A counselor is the best way to save a weak marriage, not swinging. If you are having insecurities about your relationship, or just aren’t communicating as well, swinging is not a good fix. Swinging is best experienced by a couple that us able to talk to each other and share with each other.

And if problems should come up in the swinging process, then the couple must be able to work through them. And weak marriages are usually a sign of not being able to talk through certain issues.

Don’t complicate your relationship more. Work things out with each other before you add swinging to the already volatile mix. Swinging can provide just the ‘kick’ that your strong marriage needs, but it will not solve problems that are already present. If you’re able to work through issues as a couple and just want to experience more in the area of sex and fantasy, then swinging could be the answer to your dreams.

And there are plenty of places to research swinging. Bookstores so carry books on swinging and your local sex shops can direct you to local connections. Online swinging dating sites and other information sites can also answer any questions that you might have.

Start the open and frank discussions now to enjoy swinging in every way that you can. Doing the research together may also lead to some fun on your own.

And with all of the sex product stores and websites available, you might be wondering if toys are the route to go.

Good For Anytime

Not only can sex toys spice up swinging experiences, but they can also help you out when you’re on your own. Actually, some people find it rather arousing to watch someone pleasure themselves.

Or you can use it when you’re waiting to swing again.

Batteries Last Longer

When you’re trying to please someone orally, you may find that your stamina isn’t always at the peak of its worth. Using vibrators and other stimulators can help to keep the feeling going without causing your jaw to ache.

Also, there are products for men that can enhance penis stimulation.

And these toys can be used when your hands are busy doing something else so you get the best of all the stimulating words there are.

But I Can’t Reach

For places that go out of reach at times, you can use toys to assist you. Also, if you’re a bit hesitant to go certain places (anal play is one example), there are toys that can do the stimulating for you.

While you help out in other areas.

If One Of You Is Too Tired

Of course, if one of you is too tired to keep up the action, then a vibrator or other stimulator can keep going. This is also a good thing to have if one person is in the mood, but another is not.

Multiple orgasms are exhausting, so the less work that you need to do to help the other person achieve your bliss, the better.

Toys Are Good For You

This might be a bit of a stretch, but having an orgasm releases oxytocin into the bloodstream. This is a hormone that calms the body and prevents you from feeling pain.

So, heck, why not try a toy to do your own research.

Learning Curve

Toys can also be a great way to learn more about your partner or other person involved in swinging. By trying out new things together, you can build on the relationship that you’ve already begun.

Or you and your partner can try something out and then share it in a swinging setting.

What To Buy

One of the greatest things about the Internet is the anonymity. If you’ve never bought a sex toy before, you can go online and read user reviews as well as information to make the best decision.

You will see that there are many more toys for women than for men, but that doesn’t mean that men’s toys aren’t any good. You just need to try a lot out to see what works for you.

If at first you don’t find something that is pleasurable, then try again. Soon you’ll find something that will move you in the right direction and add a little something-something to your swinging experience.

The Silent Treatment

I think that it’s in human nature to become quiet when something is bothering us, rather than to talk about things. Most often, you find that you get and give the silent treatment when you are upset about something.

I find that being silence is actually just a way for me to gather my feelings before I make any rash decisions or accusations.

But what if you are receiving the silent treatment, what then?

I suggest that attempt to contact the other couple and set up a time where you can all meet in a non-threatening environment. If you truly can not understand or imagine what is wrong, then you can even meet somewhere of their choosing.

Make the silent couple as comfortable as possible.

If you’re receiving the silence from your partner, you can do the same. Of course, most partners are able to talk things over when they begin to feel upset. But if something has happened, make sure to find time to talk.

Usually once you get everyone talking about what has been making them feel bad, you will be able to solve the issues and move on.

Jealousy And You

Being in a swinging relationship implies that you are working toward fantasies while still keeping your spouse as number one. However, in the beginning especially, you may feel as though your partner is having too much fun.

Again, you need to talk about it.

Say everything that is one your mind. Sometimes it helps to write it all down and then read it to your partner so that you remember everything.

Set up a situation in which they can only listen and not respond until you are completely done.

And when you are done, let them speak. You partner will probably reassure you and work with you to find ways to show you that they care for you more than anything.

Jealousy that goes unspoken is the harmful kind. In a solid relationship, it’s just a stepping stone that can be moved beyond.

When The Other Couple Changes Their Mind

Like in all relationships, there may come a point when things just aren’t working out for whatever reason. And you may want to move on for the sake of everyone involved.

This doesn’t have to be a difficult transition when you think of what you have gained from your interaction. Perhaps you have just learned all that you needed to learn.

Don’t take it personally. Say your goodbyes and wish each other well.

Of course, if you feel as though you would like to move to a different couple, then be sure to tell the current couple as soon as possible. You all want to be in the most supportive environment that you can be in.

So be sure to openly talk about the possibility.

Swinging is just like any relationship and it can have high points and low points. The trick is that you need to treat it like any other relationship—with respect and genuine concern for each other’s welfare.

Swinging is a way to explore your sexual fantasies and boundaries with the blessing and support of your partner. And by enjoying each other in this way, you enable better communication and deeper trust of your relationship.

But there are always ways to get your self into trouble.

There Are No Little White Lies

When it comes to a swinging relationship, there is no such thing as a little white lie. Each and every lie that you tell will become an issue. There needs to be a perfect atmosphere of trust and truthfulness in order to feel comfortable with each other.

And in any sort of future for the relationship among the group of couples.

This is really why the recommendation is that only strong couples get into swinging. The stronger the couple is, the more likely that good communication lines are already in place.

To think of it another way, you need to be sure that you can trust the other couple as well. At the very least your privacy may be compromised. At the most, you can be emotionally hurt.

Crossing Over Boundaries

Swinging can be a great tool to overcome any sexual anxieties that you might have, but there are limits to this journey.

For one, you can not assume that just because you want something to happen during a particular sexual excursion that the other person does as well.

Of course, talking about these boundaries ahead of time will help.

But you also want to stick to what you’re promised to do. Just because you think that you may be ‘helping’ someone overcome something does not mean that they are necessarily ready.

When someone tells you to stop or that they are uncomfortable, you need to stop IMMEDIATELY.

You will destroy a perfectly good relationship in a moment of weakness.

Keeping Quiet

On the other hand, the other person will not know about your boundaries unless you tell them ahead of time.

This is no time to be shy with another couple or with your own partner. Be clear and up front about the relationship that you are trying to pursue.

You may want to set up a specific time for everyone to meet up in a non-sexual environment. This is a great way to continuously have the lines of communication open for anything that may not be easy to talk about in a certain mood or setting.

Find a neutral place that is semi-private and give everyone a chance to talk. If there are problems, then address them at that point or discuss them and set up another time to figure out solutions.

When you don’t say anything, you are setting yourself up for problems.

Issues like jealously and anger can rear their ugly heads quite quickly when there is silence. But a little talking can do a world of good and keep everyone feeling good about themselves and their sexual power.

As we’ve talked about before, some of the best foreplay is in the setting itself, so make sure that there are candles lit, and every arrangement has been made for an interrupted evening of bliss.

Feeding The Fire

One of the ways to get the night started is to feed each other. While eating isn’t always the sexiest thing, being served can be.

If you’re two couples, you can reverse roles. The women can feed the men, or vice versa. Do this slowly so that you can look into each other’s eyes. Try to signal your intentions for the evening, and let the other know how excited you already are.

Chocolate dipped strawberries are a decadent treat.

You can also offer each other drinks or other light snacks. Food has a way of calming us and getting us ready for deeper contact.

You can also put the morsel of food in your mouth and offer it to someone else, but they have to take it without using their hands. Delicious.

Turning On The Evening

While I don’t suggest this for anyone that hasn’t already propositioned it, watching a sexy movie can be a great way to introduce a sexy mood.

Find one that appeals to everyone and something that isn’t too corny so that you’re laughing more than you’re becoming aroused. You may want to make suggestions among yourselves and then pick a few in case they don’t end up working out.

Dim the lights and watch the action. Perhaps you’ll want to copy the actors as you watch. Let the darkness cover any nervousness.

Starting With Your Comfort Zone

Another great way to start a little foreplay seduction is to take turns showing affection to your partners. With your own partner, kiss, touch, and caress them. Show them how much you love them and their faith in your relationship.

Then the other couple can do the same. Before you know it, you will all be enjoying each other at the same time.

Now, switch.

Try A Game

There are plenty of ‘dirty’ games out there that you can buy and play together. Try a naughty card game or striptease poker. Not only are these erotic, but they also can relax you into a seductive state.

And add in a lot of sexual innuendo and every ones in the end.

But this is just a sampling of things that you can do as foreplay. Of course, you can come up with your own versions of these appetizing starters.

Or if the heat is just right, you may not make it through them.

When you’re first starting out though, I highly recommend doing something to get the evening started in the erotic tone. Start with the usual conversation and dinner, if you’d like.

Then move to somewhere more comfortable and let the fun begin…

When You’re In The Shower

You will want to take a shower because a bath might make you sleepy for the rest of the evening—and you don’t want that.

Before you get into the shower, make sure that you have a razor, shaving scream, face soap, and anything else that you normally need. With everything on your mind right now, you don’t want to have to keep getting out for things that you have forgotten.

Wash your body very carefully first. You can scrub with one of those poofy sponges and some bath gel for a light, clean scent. You will want to use lukewarm water so that your skin doesn’t dry out too much.

Wash your hair carefully and don’t use too much conditioner. If your hair is generally clean to begin with, you may even want to skip this step. Hair that is slightly dirty is much easier to style.

After you’ve been in the shower for a while, you’re ready to shave. Shave your legs completely and don’t forget the underarms. Of course, you can omit these steps altogether for personal preference.

Another Shaving Question

Most women want to know if they should shave their private area completely.

This is completely up to you and your comfort level. One thing to note is that if you’ve never done it before this night, it will not end well. This skin is very sensitive and you could end up with a nasty rash.

If you are planning on giving it a try, you will want to start the process out a few weeks a head of time. Start by trimming the hair down and then go ahead and use a razor, depilatory, or wax (ouch). Or you can go to a salon to have this done.

A lot of men like the ‘bare’ approach, while other men prefer a half and half layout. It’s interesting to note that the less there is, the more excited you can get. Just a thought.

Dressing It Up

Get out your best lingerie ladies. This is the time for the ‘fun’ stuff that’s been sitting in your drawer. Or maybe you want to buy something special for the occasion. A nice bra and panty set is best.

Wear a nice outfit that is revealing, but in a classy way. You may feel comfortable showing a little cleavage, but you may want to keep it subtle when you’re wearing a short skirt.

Makeup Or Not?

Since it’s going to be an exciting night, you do want to put a little makeup on to make yourself look fantastic. Like the clothes, you will want to play up your best features.

A nice dark lipstick (if it looks good on you) is best with softer makeup on the rest of the face.

You may also want to consider waterproof and smudge resistance makeup to keep the look on until you get home.

First things first, you need to get ready for the other couple. This isn’t the time to go for a run, throw on a t-shirt and just go over to someone’s house for a night of erotic pleasure.

No, no, no. There’s a better way and don’t worry, it’s not going to take longer than a half an hour.

Cleaning Up

Although most of this information should be common sense, we’re going to go over it anyways. Your excitement might have clouded over some of the finer points of personal grooming.

Take a shower or a bath. A shower is fine.

You would be surprised at how many men think that being sweaty is sexy—uh, no. Your wife or significant other might think it is okay, but if you’re planning on being with anyone else, it’s best to err on the side of sanitary.

Take a nice scented soap and clean every area of your body. Work your way down from your hair to your toes. This way, you’ve hit everything and the water washed off all the soap completely.

Nothing is less sexy than a mouth full of soap.

Focus on areas that get dirty—hands, feet, underarms, and your private region. If anything might be licked, it needs to be exquisitely clean.

And if you have any areas that are rough, just throw a little unscented lotion there. Rough hands on smooth skin equal icky feeling.

The Question Of Shaving

When it comes to shaving, you want to check with the other couple to see if there are any preferences. Of course, if you already have a full beard, this isn’t the time to hack it off. But if you have some stubble, see if that’s okay or even welcomed.

If in doubt, go as smooth as you can on your face.

And as for any other shaving that you might question, some women may find it attractive for a man to trim their body hair. Again, this is up to you in the end, but if you know that there is a preference, it’s best to take care of that.

What To Wear

Many women or other men may not mind you showing up in casual clothing, but for the first few times, you may want to go for something a little dressier. Find a nice dress shirt or polo shirt and pair it with clean dress pants and nice shoes.

You’ll be amazed how much attention you’ll get for dressing it up.

Although you’re kind of on a date with an obvious ending, you don’t want to do anything that might change the outcome. And for beginners, you may want to show that you are respectful of another’s tastes as well.

And these rules can change. Down the road, you can go more casual or dress it up in a different way (cops and robbers, anyone?).