Since you’re already laid down the guidelines for what kind of events may happen, you now need the perfect setting to get the night off to a perfect start.

Location, Location, Location

When you’re starting off in wife swapping, you want to be completely comfortable with the other couple (or single, etc). Choosing a place that suits everyone is a great way to begin.

Many times, a house or hotel room might be chosen.

I personally don’t like the sterility of a hotel room, so I will talk about being at someone’s house and you can apply these ideas to anywhere that you choose.

Creating an inviting environment starts with talking to everyone about things that they find seductive. Just talking about the evening may be erotic enough, but picking a house that is quiet and secluded may create the mood that you’re looking for.

Turning Down The Lights

It’s seemed clichéd to light a bunch of candles for a seduction scene, but it really works. The soft glow of the candles creates lighting that works for all skin tones and types, lessening any imperfections that may exist.

The other bonus to a few flickering candles is that you can settle any remaining nerves in virtual darkness.

There’s a sense of privacy that comes in almost complete darkness and your inhibitions can retreat in that safe feeling.

Fun Extras

You may also find that a few additional comforts can add to your planned evening. I like to spread pillows and soft blankets out in any of the rooms that may be used throughout the course of the night.

If you don’t have anyone with allergies or sensitivities, you may find that lighting a little incense is a great idea—sandalwood is incredibly erotic.

Although this might not sound like ‘fun’ as such, having plenty of protection available will make for a safe and fun adventure. Condoms and spermicides in every locale will ensure that your bases (and other things) are covered.

Making Everyone Comfortable

The first time of wife swapping is the time for compliments and more compliments. This is no time to be judgmental (if there ever is one) or make the other person feel that they’re not doing well.

If something isn’t going as well as it could, gently guide the other person down a better path and show them how much pleasure you are feeling for it.

Privacy Matters

There’s nothing that can kill a mood faster than an unexpected interruption.

Turn off all of the phones, cellular phones, pagers, faxes, etc. You do not want to have the chance that something could break your concentration during a particularly important moment.

Send any children to a sitter or relative’s house and make sure that any animals are kept out of the way as well.

If you’re concerned about an actual emergency, then set up some way to communicate that.

Other than that, draw the shades and blinds, turn off the porch light, and lock all the doors. You’re in for the night until you leave or retreat to your separate sleeping areas.

And now, you’re thinking that you’re more ‘stale’ than spice.

Taking Stock Of Your Skills

One of the best ways to get out of thinking that you’re not any good in bed is to talk to your partner. Ask them what they love about you and your skills before and during sex.

You may be surprised to hear the answers. Much of the ‘good stuff’ that we do is natural and we wouldn’t even realize that we’re doing it.

So you can count on your instincts to get you through any rough patches.

Feeling Your Way Through

Another great way to keep you confident as you’re trying to please someone new is to ask beforehand. That way, you already have an arsenal of ways to give them pleasure.

If you haven’t done that, you can always ask while you’re in the moment. Ask them if this or that feels good. Where do they like to be touched? Is there anything that they don’t like?

By having them guide you, you can stop worrying that you’re doing everything wrong.

And people want to lead you in the right direction.

Building Up Confidence

Most of the time, our sexual skills come from trying something that you’ve never tried before. My partner once told me that she always makes things up as we’re in the act, but because she’s so confident (or at least acts like it), I thought that she was much more experienced.

It’s amazing what jumping right in will do.

Do Your Homework

Take the time to read up on sex and ways to pleasure someone. Read magazines, websites, and articles. Find books and charts to the G-spot and other wonders of the human body.

Learn as much as you can about the body and how you can please it.

Watch erotic movies and see what they do. If anything, you can always try to copy something. The more things you know, the better off you will be.

Fake It

And I don’t mean faking the orgasm; I mean fake your skills. Pretend that you know more than you do and eventually you will. Act as though you are an adult video champion and you know every trick in the book to make someone feel good.

You would be surprised how many times you are right.

Pay Attention

By just listening to their breathing quicken, you can find a discreet little spot that needs lots of ‘attention’ or realize when their breathing slows that you’ve not where you need to be.

Test out the waters a little more each time, and soon your anxiety will just be a memory.

Realize that everyone wants to feel good, so they’ll make sure that you’re doing everything you can to ensure that.

Let’s go over the highlights of what we’ve already talked about:

Beginning With A Strong Relationship

Since swinging is not the standard relationship format (but I’m hopeful), you might be filled with self-doubt about whether or not something like this can work for you. You may have a lot of preconceived notions as to how a relationship between partners should exist.

But you’re wondering if you could try something new.

You’re not dissatisfied with your partner, but you feel like you want to share yourself with someone else—with the knowledge of your partner.

Having a strong relationship with open lines of communication is the best way to begin a foray into swinging. If there are any problems or concerns, they can be quickly addressed, rather than turning into larger issues.

Talk with your partner about swinging to see what they think. You might be surprised to find out that they are just as interested as you are.

Make out a list of things that you could enjoy with another person and see what your partner thinks.

Finding Someone To Swing With

Every city has the opportunity to find someone who is into swinging. All it takes is an open eye and a little research. You can start with the various Internet directories of swinging clubs and associations, or you may just want to wander into your local adult book shop for literature.

The online swinging community is growing and dating websites have popped up to make the search safe and secure. You can meet up with couples from all parts of the world, or search for some that are closer to home.

Through e-mail and video chats, you can get to know someone before you even reveal your names. In this way, you can be as comfortable as possible before taking the plunge.

Pushing Off

And then comes the time when you are reading to get into the nitty gritty of swinging.

Whether you choose soft or hard swinging at first, all that matters is that you are up front about what you expect from your experience and how you interact with the other couple (or single, or couples, etc).

Touching another person or watching another couple pleasure each other is arousing and liberating.

You can try sex toys and roleplaying to spice things up down the road, remembering always to make sure that everyone is on board with changes you make in your interactions.

Keep an open mind and you will not only increase your self-confidence and sexual ability, but also realize that your current relationship is incredibly strong and supportive.

By being able to indulge each other in your fantasies, you are creating yet another way to communicate with one another in order to make each other as happy as you can.

So that’s all I have time for now, as I have to go out swinging!

So in the meantime – Happy Swinging!

What can you do to avoid this?

Why Roleplaying Might Be The Perfect Part For You

When you try something different, you might feel a little hesitant. And for whatever reason, roleplaying seems to be the one that many couples turn a nose to.

But let’s look at it differently.

If you’ve ever dresses up for Halloween or just gotten ‘dolled up’ for someone, then you’ve put a toe into the waters of roleplaying.

Stepping into the role of another person can inspire confidence in yourself and in your actions. Because you’re not your ‘normal’ self, you might say things or do things that are out of your comfort zone. And this is good.

When you’re nervous, letting another persona help you out might be a great way to break your tension.

Finding The Role For You

Now, I should say that many people aren’t ‘into’ roleplaying, so this is something else that you will need to discuss with your partner or your group of swingers.

Of course, if you should find out that someone has a secret fantasy (usually from their partner), then you may want to try it out.

Think of this as a costume party of sorts. You get to be whomever you want and you can leave your old self and insecurities behind.

You can get ideas from websites or adult video stores. Honestly, most adult flavoured videos involve some sort of roleplaying—because there can’t be that many lost mechanics out there!

Find something that you’ve always wanted to be—a French maid? A police officer?

Cheerleaders or doctors always work well too. It’s amazing how many cheers never get finished, and how many pelvic exams are in dire need of being completed.

Playing The Part

And don’t think that you have to be an Oscar winning performer in order to try out roleplaying. This isn’t about getting it perfect; it’s about trying to please someone else as well as yourself.

It’s amazing what a costume can do for the libido.

Imagine what the characteristics of the part you are playing would be? Are you tough? Are you innocent? Find what makes this role different from you in real life and over-exaggerate it.

You may also discuss with another couple, the idea of incorporating everyone into the roleplaying. Is there some sort of scenario that could involve everyone? Perhaps the women can be ‘stranded’ at the side of the road and need to be helped by some kind, sexually attractive men.

Pretend that you’re in a strip club and play the audience and the strippers.

Heck, you don’t even really need costumes, just a little imagination.

We’ll talk about roleplaying a little more in depth in a moment, but for now, start thinking up ways that you can become someone else for an evening. Think of it as an adult version of Halloween—sweets and all.