Naming The Place

When you need to talk about something serious, you don’t go to a ball game or to the movies, do you? It really is all about location.

If you and your partner need to discuss something, then you will want to find somewhere that is quiet and private. The fewer distractions the better. Of course, restaurants are a nice way to give your selves a distraction in case the talk becomes difficult, but you will have to factor in the presence of the wait staff.

If you decide to talk at a restaurant, then I would recommend letting the waitress or waiter know that you have some important things to discuss and that you would like to be disturbed as little as possible.

They will understand and go to great measures to accommodate you—but only if you ask.

The quieter the setting, the less distracted you will be, so find a nice secluded corner. And then begin to talk.

If you wish to talk somewhere else, I would recommend a neutral setting. Perhaps there is a park nearby where you could take a walk.

These suggestions work great for all relationships as well as with the other couples and well.

The Importance Of Time

Finding a time where you will not feel rushed is also important to having a good couples swapping conversation. You don’t want to have anywhere to go when you need to talk.

Sometimes it might take some time to broach a difficult subject, so you need to feel free to wait until you are ready to say what you want.

You will also want to set up any childcare conditions to support the large timeframe. Be sure to let the sitter know that you aren’t sure when you will be back, but will call when you know when you will be leaving.

Give Everyone A Turn

There’s an old book that talked about handing a shell to everyone when they wished to speak. Although you don’t need to use a shell, you want to make sure that everyone has a chance to talk without being interrupted.

You can do this by starting off with one person. This person will talk until they feel that they are finished and then another person will talk. This continues until everyone had said what is on their mind.

At this point, you can begin to react to things that other people said in a gentle way. Accusations or harsh words will not help in a difficult situation.

Listen Up

Making sure that you understand the person who is speaking is the key to creating useful dialogue. Repeat what they have said if you’re not sure about something. Perhaps they can clarify their meaning.

Actively listen before you figure out what you are going to say.

Since you’re already laid down the guidelines for what kind of events may happen, you now need the perfect setting to get the night off to a perfect start.

Location, Location, Location

When you’re starting off in wife swapping, you want to be completely comfortable with the other couple (or single, etc). Choosing a place that suits everyone is a great way to begin.

Many times, a house or hotel room might be chosen.

I personally don’t like the sterility of a hotel room, so I will talk about being at someone’s house and you can apply these ideas to anywhere that you choose.

Creating an inviting environment starts with talking to everyone about things that they find seductive. Just talking about the evening may be erotic enough, but picking a house that is quiet and secluded may create the mood that you’re looking for.

Turning Down The Lights

It’s seemed clichéd to light a bunch of candles for a seduction scene, but it really works. The soft glow of the candles creates lighting that works for all skin tones and types, lessening any imperfections that may exist.

The other bonus to a few flickering candles is that you can settle any remaining nerves in virtual darkness.

There’s a sense of privacy that comes in almost complete darkness and your inhibitions can retreat in that safe feeling.

Fun Extras

You may also find that a few additional comforts can add to your planned evening. I like to spread pillows and soft blankets out in any of the rooms that may be used throughout the course of the night.

If you don’t have anyone with allergies or sensitivities, you may find that lighting a little incense is a great idea—sandalwood is incredibly erotic.

Although this might not sound like ‘fun’ as such, having plenty of protection available will make for a safe and fun adventure. Condoms and spermicides in every locale will ensure that your bases (and other things) are covered.

Making Everyone Comfortable

The first time of wife swapping is the time for compliments and more compliments. This is no time to be judgmental (if there ever is one) or make the other person feel that they’re not doing well.

If something isn’t going as well as it could, gently guide the other person down a better path and show them how much pleasure you are feeling for it.

Privacy Matters

There’s nothing that can kill a mood faster than an unexpected interruption.

Turn off all of the phones, cellular phones, pagers, faxes, etc. You do not want to have the chance that something could break your concentration during a particularly important moment.

Send any children to a sitter or relative’s house and make sure that any animals are kept out of the way as well.

If you’re concerned about an actual emergency, then set up some way to communicate that.

Other than that, draw the shades and blinds, turn off the porch light, and lock all the doors. You’re in for the night until you leave or retreat to your separate sleeping areas.

Have you and your partner talking about what’s okay to do and what isn’t?

A Few Basic Rules

Each couple will be different in determining the rules of play when hard swinging, but here are some things to keep in mind or try for your selves.

Talk about your fantasies. Is your husband into watching two women, or are you ready to see your husband pleasure someone else? What do you really want to play out? Be honest when you talk with your partner.

This isn’t a bartering session; this is a time for you to lay everything out on the table to make sure that you aren’t hurting the relationship that you already have.

One of the worst things that you can do is not talk about the details ahead of time, and either feel pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready for, or watching your partner do something that you aren’t ready to see.

And talk with the other couple too. If you’re uncomfortable about fellatio or some other act, then say it.

You may even want to write out a sort of contract, and sign it.

Since you may not be in each other’s sight, knowing exactly what your partner will and will not be doing can set a beginner’s mind at ease.

Starting The Fun…

When you’re in the room with your new playmate, you want to try to make the scene comfortable. If you’ve talked ahead of time, this won’t be difficult.

You can start by talking or just moving closer to each other.

It’s amazing what a sexy environment can do as well. Maybe candles and incense can make for a sultry atmosphere, or maybe you just want to get down to business.

Start with exploring their body. Touch and feel each inch. Make compliments as you go, but don’t talk about comparisons. This moment is about the other person and making them feel special.

There will come a point when your bodies will figure out how to move with each other. Keep the other’s fantasies in mind.

Did they want you to try something in particular, or did they want you to surprise them?

If at any point you are uncomfortable or need to stop the festivities, then do so. Immediately.

This is not a game in the sense that someone wins and someone loses. You are working together to overcome sexual boundaries and fulfil fantasies. You both still have someone to go home with.

And if you want to continue the swinging relationship, you have to be able to trust each other completely.

At this point, if it’s been agreed upon, go ahead and have sex with the other person—careful to stay protected and safe. Savor the feeling of release of orgasm as you lie in someone else’s arms.

You can either do a search online or in your local phone book to see if there are any swinger clubs near you. Of course, if you’re in a smaller town, you may need to head to the big city for a little fun.

You and your partner may also want to investigate at the local adult themed stores to find out about private swinger events.

It’s not that local swingers are ashamed of their lifestyle, but other co-workers may not be so accepting so clubs allow them to experience other couples without being ‘discovered.’

You’ll want to contact the event planners or the club itself to talk to the owners before you just head over. Some places have rules that they like to go over and questions that they may want to ask.

And they’ll want to ask both of you, so you should both be ready to talk.

There may be dress codes or a theme for the evening. This is also a great opportunity to ask any questions that you might have as well.

This call is simply to weed out anyone that doesn’t suit the club’s atmosphere. And since they’ve probably been holding functions for swingers for a while, they have a good instinct about those that won’t fit in.

Swingers clubs are a great way to interact with a select group of people without the fear of having your personal information revealed. You don’t have to reveal your names if you don’t want to, so any wife swinger stories that may happen won’t get out.

There are also staff members for security as well as people who can answer any questions that you might have.

The clubs are usually fun places with lots of conversation pieces to get couples talking, while also allowing some darker corners for more intimate interactions.

Dress nice and be open to what happens around you. Many first timers like to just watch the activities around them; see what the club is all about.

Another great concept that most clubs employ is a no-pressure policy. So if you don’t want to do something, then you don’t have to. And no one should try to talk you into anything.

Is there a certain etiquette to finding more than one swinging group?

Sorting It Out

Although this might sound like a broken record at this point, the main way to figure out this dilemma is to talk to the other couple about it. See what their ideas and their concerns might be.

Many of the times, you will find that swinging is actually a lot more open that you even imagined it, so things aren’t as sticky as they might seem to be.

Because you’re already in an open relationship, you may want to have this discussion before you even begin swinging. Talk about the possibility of it, and it won’t become anything that’s a secret.

Secrets and lies are where all relationships can fall apart, including swingers.

Also, if you find that the other couple has been swinging for longer, they may have already found another couple to spend their time with—although you should have found this out before.

Making sure that everyone is on the same page is the best way to ensure that no one feels like they or you are hiding anything.

If The Other Couple Isn’t Okay With It

You may find that the other couples (for whatever reason) is not interested is having you look for additional couples. And there are a few ways to look at this kind of reaction.

One, the other couple may still be feeling insecure about swinging in general, so they need some sort of ‘commitment’ to feel better. This is fairly common in the early stages of swinging—especially with beginners. Respect their decision, but feel free to bring it up again in the future.

Two, the other couple seems to want to be more controlling of the swinging relationship. They have a lot of rules or guidelines that ‘need’ to be followed exactly. Although there is a fine line between having an agreement and being overly controlling, you want to stop if you feel this vibe going on.

Do you feel as though you aren’t participating in the relationship as much? If so, this can be a sign of the other couple’s over-control and a sign that you may want to stop the relationship.

Swinging is for everyone in the group to enjoy and not be a one-sided adventure.

Control can lead to a darker side to a relationship, and you just don’t need that in your life.

When it comes down to it, talking out your feelings with the other couple is best. You don’t want to have them hear about anything through another couple. You will have destroyed the trust that you have built.

And if it just seems like it’s something that you can’t agree on, end that relationship, and move on. No hard feelings.

Let’s go over the highlights of what we’ve already talked about:

Beginning With A Strong Relationship

Since swinging is not the standard relationship format (but I’m hopeful), you might be filled with self-doubt about whether or not something like this can work for you. You may have a lot of preconceived notions as to how a relationship between partners should exist.

But you’re wondering if you could try something new.

You’re not dissatisfied with your partner, but you feel like you want to share yourself with someone else—with the knowledge of your partner.

Having a strong relationship with open lines of communication is the best way to begin a foray into swinging. If there are any problems or concerns, they can be quickly addressed, rather than turning into larger issues.

Talk with your partner about swinging to see what they think. You might be surprised to find out that they are just as interested as you are.

Make out a list of things that you could enjoy with another person and see what your partner thinks.

Finding Someone To Swing With

Every city has the opportunity to find someone who is into swinging. All it takes is an open eye and a little research. You can start with the various Internet directories of swinging clubs and associations, or you may just want to wander into your local adult book shop for literature.

The online swinging community is growing and dating websites have popped up to make the search safe and secure. You can meet up with couples from all parts of the world, or search for some that are closer to home.

Through e-mail and video chats, you can get to know someone before you even reveal your names. In this way, you can be as comfortable as possible before taking the plunge.

Pushing Off

And then comes the time when you are reading to get into the nitty gritty of swinging.

Whether you choose soft or hard swinging at first, all that matters is that you are up front about what you expect from your experience and how you interact with the other couple (or single, or couples, etc).

Touching another person or watching another couple pleasure each other is arousing and liberating.

You can try sex toys and roleplaying to spice things up down the road, remembering always to make sure that everyone is on board with changes you make in your interactions.

Keep an open mind and you will not only increase your self-confidence and sexual ability, but also realize that your current relationship is incredibly strong and supportive.

By being able to indulge each other in your fantasies, you are creating yet another way to communicate with one another in order to make each other as happy as you can.

So that’s all I have time for now, as I have to go out swinging!

So in the meantime – Happy Swinging!

Not only are you in an environment that is totally supportive, but there aren’t games to be played or expectations. You come when you’re ready to come, and you play as much as you want.

Are These Places Dirty?

Unlike a lot of the sex clubs, swingers clubs are filled with clean cut, professional men and women. The general age of members is anywhere from late twenties to mid-fifties, so you’re sure to feel at home with one of the age groups.

Many of the swingers clubs have dress codes that are strictly enforced. Of course, they may have theme nights from time to time, but most of the time, it’s completely option.

But a lot of fun.

And as for the ‘dirty’ part, it depends on what you’re using for a definition. If you’re talking about breaching sexual borders and allowing couples to mingle, then yes, they are ‘dirty.’

If you’re talking about the physical presence of dirt, then no, these are high-class establishments that have to follow health code rules, just like everyone else.

Are The Clubs Safe To Go To?

Swingers clubs employ a staff of security to help you in case you should feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

The staff at most of the clubs are easily available if you have any questions, plus many require you to call ahead to have an on-phone interview. This ensures that you are a couple that will fit in with everyone else, as well as follow the rules that you are given.

If you do get turned down for a club, then you may want to revaluate why you want to try swinging in the first place. Or try another club.

Where Can I Find Swingers Clubs?

Word of mouth and local advertising are the best ways to find local swinger events. In some cities, there may not be clubs that are listed, but through the local adult video store, you may be able to find listings for swinger parties.

Be very discerning about which events you choose to go to. Call the coordinator and ask a lot of questions. If they hesitate or refuse to answer things, then you may want to avoid their party.

Do I Have To Do Anything?

This is the biggest question of swingers clubs—do you have to participate in the sexual fun?

Of course not.

Many couples go to meet other couples at a later time. Or some other folks just go to watch couples mingle with one another. The level of your participation is up to your comfort level.

Most clubs have polices about not pressuring other members, so you can feel at ease from the time you walk in to the time that you leave.

A swingers club can be a great way to celebrate your sexual identity without having to ‘do’ anything. Many couples find that this is the perfect method to sample the swinging life to see if it’s something that will work for them.

And without names, you can be anonymous as well.