I remember the first time a girl kissed me this way. It was very cute and I came to prefer this way. I’ve never been into mouth-to-mouth kissing too much anyway, so this was an improvement. I kiss the skin regularly but not the mouth except on occasion.

The rest of this section gets a little sexually graphic, so if you’re too conservative then you should stop here…

Mainstream Thai girls are usually shy about their bodies. If you start expanding your affections to sensitive parts of their body, then you’ll usually need to turn out the lights at first.

Touching a certain place with your hand is usually not allowed, quite the opposite of western ladies who much prefer foreplay in such a place. Indeed, if you proceed to sexual intercourse, then it may take a little more time without “guidance” or such touching.

Sexual gratification of the woman often doesn’t occur on the first encounter unless you really take a lot of time. If they’re a virgin, which is common here, then they’re usually quite ignorant and learning some very basics. Once they’ve “gotten over” this first experience, then they’re generally more open to learning and foreplay. Sexuality is not discussed in the saucy Thai press in as much detail as in the west (never mind the saucier photos in Thai magazines), and in many circles it is not discussed in detail among friends, though many Thai ladies go into exhaustive detail with their close friends.

As you develop friendship as well as romance, trust, and lots of affection and comfort with each other, then you can often bypass the pitfalls of the above, especially with LOTS AND LOTS of foreplay.

At the other extreme, forget getting a lady into bed on the first night, or the second. Let them dream about things for awhile, and assimilate the possibilities in their mind, so that they are “ready”. It’s not uncommon to sleep with a lady without having sex for one or more nights. I generally stay away from sex until both they and myself are ready. No sex is much better than bad sex. And other feelings are more gratifying. It’s like drinking a wine before its time. Also, first impressions are important. Wait until she’s really ready (though some people are followers too much, and need some pushing).

Some Thai girls will talk seriously about commitment and make conditions for getting more physical. Don’t lie or mislead them. They are serious. Don’t be surprised if they reject you and remove themselves from the relationship. However, in most cases it’s just for awhile. You might be surprised several days later by the 11pm sweet and imaginative phone call you’ll get, like they’ve decided that “If you don’t get what you want, then you settle for less.” You can see the shift in their outlook, that they are now ready to explore and learn some things about life and love, rather than stick to their ideals and the same old routine and potentially miss out.

If having sex quickly is very important to you, then Thai ladies who already have previously had a normal serious Thai boyfriend over a protracted period of time are often the best to have sex with.

• Thai ladies are usually shy and will have to know you over time before they will become what you may consider a girlfriend.

• Thais are very sensitive to things that may affect their reputation and status, and are cautious.

• Most good Thai girls are virgins or have had very few and discrete sexual experiences with very few boyfriends they knew over time.

• Outside the farang areas, you are moreso an alien farang and may be considered a typical prostitute-oriented farang until you prove otherwise.

• Dress nicely. Thais are more sensitive to dress, cleanliness and appearance than foreigners.

• Learn about the Thai values of maintaining your cool and controlling your temper at all times, being polite and respectful (which is how you project yourself as respectable), and being easygoing and nonthreatening.

• Thais are very sensitive to body language. As applies to Hollywood, “Bad actors act, good actors are”, i.e., don’t just act a certain way, be that way.

• Don’t be too much on the hunt. Whether at the workplace or in an entertainment area, don’t look at too many girls with interest. Most girls don’t want a playboy.

• Smile. This is the Land of Smiles. Again, “bad actors act, good actors are”. Think pleasant thoughts where you’re genuinely smiling to yourself before you walk into a social environment. This is Thailand, and if you want the Thais to like you, then you need to be easygoing and have a good kind of smile on your face.

Of course, many of the things recommended for Thailand are true most everywhere in the world, each to varying degrees. Thais are a sensitive and gentle people, and some of these elements of human nature carry more momentum in Thailand.

Some things that work well in other cultures are counterproductive in Thailand among good girls:

• Being too assertive
• Machismo
• Straight talk when there are gentler alternative ways to say the same thing

In a work environment, you will get to be known over time, and this will affect not only what secretaries (and their friends that they bring to social events) will become available to you, but also which subordinate employees will stick to their jobs, how well they will work for you, and indeed may affect whether you keep your job.

Never make a Thai lose face. If you have a criticism, keep it private, do not display it in public. When you do criticize, raise the issues gently and gradually. There are many ways to communicate the same thing, and if you choose the more sophisticated and diplomatic way, the results will be much better. (Venting steam for your own satisfaction is dumb.)

If you make Thais fear you, then you can’t expect any of them to like you in an amorous way. If you introduce an explosive and unpredictable nature over time, what result do you think that will produce? On the other hand, if you show self-control when under pressure and during the bad times, that will be reassuring.

The power of money does not produce the same results in the office as it does in the massage joints and in many western environments with “matrimonial prostitution”.

There aren’t many non-Thai ladies here. Nearly all the foreign ladies you will meet here are wives of an expat, and the selection among the rest is slim pickins. Sometimes it had made me want to jump on an airplane to the next likely oasis, e.g., Australia or India. (I believe there’s just too much materialistic expectation and homogenization most everywhere else.)

If you like partying and excitement, then the bars in Bangkok are some of the best in the world. For me, they were at first interesting to experience, and the music at some is always good.

It doesn’t take long to get to understand the scene. It doesn’t have much appeal to me as a rather studious expat, and the music and friends are the main draw.

I’m not saying that all Thai prostitutes are trouble and all  “ordinary” girls are true-hearted.

There are gold diggers everywhere. You have to ask why a girl is attracted to a relationship with you, a foreigner, especially if she is quick to it. It is my experience that most ordinary Thai girls are not after the money (and don’t take any), but I am picky and patient.

Your mileage may vary. A sizeable percentage of non-prostitutes are attracted largely to the farang’s money and material wellbeing, and/or some Hollywood-based illusion they may have of life in a farang’s country. They may simply look to a farang to take care of them, everything, whereby they’d “have it made in life”. Matrimonial prostitution (though they don’t see it that way).

Notably, I usually don’t make introductions and wouldn’t be seen with many of the farangs who have expressed wanting a good Thai girlfriend (often in a fleeting moment of frustration over the behavior of a prostitute girlfriend they’ve become emotionally attached to), because I don’t think those farangs really understand what they’re getting into when it comes to good Thai ladies, would be unlikely to develop or enjoy such a relationship due to inability or unwillingness to adapt culturally (as well as the Thai lady’s inability or unwillingness in many cases, too), and/or would be unfaithful to the good Thai girl which in many cases is damaging to her reputation and sometimes her life (e.g., offspring abandoned by the farang).

Before a farang even considers a “good” Thai girlfriend, he should consider the ramifications. He will have to give up the bargirl adventures in his life. (Some women put up with their boyfriend engaging in shorttime liassons behind their back as long as they come home on time every night, but it’s not true that this is generally accepted in higher class Thai society.

MOST Thai ladies do NOT tolerate this.) If he changes his heart and mind about his current girlfriend, he won’t be able to dispose of his good Thai girlfriend cleanly with a 1000 baht note. He won’t be able to get into her pants on the first night, and probably not the first few nights. Whenever he gets that far, then when he does get to her panties, she will usually be shy (depending upon the friendship trust and art), and it won’t be the same kind of experience as with a prostitute, for better or for worse.

When You’re In The Shower

You will want to take a shower because a bath might make you sleepy for the rest of the evening—and you don’t want that.

Before you get into the shower, make sure that you have a razor, shaving scream, face soap, and anything else that you normally need. With everything on your mind right now, you don’t want to have to keep getting out for things that you have forgotten.

Wash your body very carefully first. You can scrub with one of those poofy sponges and some bath gel for a light, clean scent. You will want to use lukewarm water so that your skin doesn’t dry out too much.

Wash your hair carefully and don’t use too much conditioner. If your hair is generally clean to begin with, you may even want to skip this step. Hair that is slightly dirty is much easier to style.

After you’ve been in the shower for a while, you’re ready to shave. Shave your legs completely and don’t forget the underarms. Of course, you can omit these steps altogether for personal preference.

Another Shaving Question

Most women want to know if they should shave their private area completely.

This is completely up to you and your comfort level. One thing to note is that if you’ve never done it before this night, it will not end well. This skin is very sensitive and you could end up with a nasty rash.

If you are planning on giving it a try, you will want to start the process out a few weeks a head of time. Start by trimming the hair down and then go ahead and use a razor, depilatory, or wax (ouch). Or you can go to a salon to have this done.

A lot of men like the ‘bare’ approach, while other men prefer a half and half layout. It’s interesting to note that the less there is, the more excited you can get. Just a thought.

Dressing It Up

Get out your best lingerie ladies. This is the time for the ‘fun’ stuff that’s been sitting in your drawer. Or maybe you want to buy something special for the occasion. A nice bra and panty set is best.

Wear a nice outfit that is revealing, but in a classy way. You may feel comfortable showing a little cleavage, but you may want to keep it subtle when you’re wearing a short skirt.

Makeup Or Not?

Since it’s going to be an exciting night, you do want to put a little makeup on to make yourself look fantastic. Like the clothes, you will want to play up your best features.

A nice dark lipstick (if it looks good on you) is best with softer makeup on the rest of the face.

You may also want to consider waterproof and smudge resistance makeup to keep the look on until you get home.

Since you’re already laid down the guidelines for what kind of events may happen, you now need the perfect setting to get the night off to a perfect start.

Location, Location, Location

When you’re starting off in wife swapping, you want to be completely comfortable with the other couple (or single, etc). Choosing a place that suits everyone is a great way to begin.

Many times, a house or hotel room might be chosen.

I personally don’t like the sterility of a hotel room, so I will talk about being at someone’s house and you can apply these ideas to anywhere that you choose.

Creating an inviting environment starts with talking to everyone about things that they find seductive. Just talking about the evening may be erotic enough, but picking a house that is quiet and secluded may create the mood that you’re looking for.

Turning Down The Lights

It’s seemed clichéd to light a bunch of candles for a seduction scene, but it really works. The soft glow of the candles creates lighting that works for all skin tones and types, lessening any imperfections that may exist.

The other bonus to a few flickering candles is that you can settle any remaining nerves in virtual darkness.

There’s a sense of privacy that comes in almost complete darkness and your inhibitions can retreat in that safe feeling.

Fun Extras

You may also find that a few additional comforts can add to your planned evening. I like to spread pillows and soft blankets out in any of the rooms that may be used throughout the course of the night.

If you don’t have anyone with allergies or sensitivities, you may find that lighting a little incense is a great idea—sandalwood is incredibly erotic.

Although this might not sound like ‘fun’ as such, having plenty of protection available will make for a safe and fun adventure. Condoms and spermicides in every locale will ensure that your bases (and other things) are covered.

Making Everyone Comfortable

The first time of wife swapping is the time for compliments and more compliments. This is no time to be judgmental (if there ever is one) or make the other person feel that they’re not doing well.

If something isn’t going as well as it could, gently guide the other person down a better path and show them how much pleasure you are feeling for it.

Privacy Matters

There’s nothing that can kill a mood faster than an unexpected interruption.

Turn off all of the phones, cellular phones, pagers, faxes, etc. You do not want to have the chance that something could break your concentration during a particularly important moment.

Send any children to a sitter or relative’s house and make sure that any animals are kept out of the way as well.

If you’re concerned about an actual emergency, then set up some way to communicate that.

Other than that, draw the shades and blinds, turn off the porch light, and lock all the doors. You’re in for the night until you leave or retreat to your separate sleeping areas.

The Pictures

Time and time again, sites and advice columns will tell you that your picture is the best way to get attention on a dating site.

Yes, this is the time to smile for the camera. Or you can just show off some of your ‘finer’ points for other couples.

I actually recommend a sultry pose without a face for a few, and then add your face if someone is asking. This just keeps the seduction going, and you won’t have to worry about running into someone you recognize in the grocery store.

Especially if you reference where you live.

Get out the digital camera and start having fun with your partner. Setting it up on a tripod will be much easier than asking someone to take pictures for you or holding the camera yourself.

Get into some sexy poses and positions. Experiment with a few different kinds of lighting—candlelight, bright lights, and complete darkness all produce vastly different results.

And of course, if you don’t like the pictures, you can always delete them.

Wear some fun clothing or accessories.

Make sure that the picture is clear. This is the time to go for quality. Your pose doesn’t matter if they can’t tell what you are doing.

Being Upfront

Another part of a profile that will get you noticed is how honest you are. And how can someone tell that?

Be specific about your intentions for a swinging relationship. Is this a one time thing, or do you want to explore a longer adventure? Are you into any fetishes or roleplaying scenarios?

When you tell everything that is important to you, then you’ll get responses that suit your desires. And that’s the point.

It’s a pain to sort through a bunch of profiles that don’t meet your expectations. And you’ll get a vast assortment of replies if you don’t reveal the details of your swinging intent.

And you also don’t want to get together and whip out the handcuffs unexpectedly.

Have Fun With It

Your profile is a great way to show your personality and your fun to another person. And since they’ll just be reading it, you want to make sure that it sounds like someone that they would like to meet.

Be playful. Tease. You may find it easier to write something that is geared to your partner first, and then change it around to talk about finding someone else.

Add in details about things that you have done together or are looking to do.

Talk about your fantasies openly.

When you’re writing your profile, take your time to make sure that it talks about everything that you are and everything that you’re looking to experience.

You want to make sure that you are finding people that are compatible with you, but this will only happen if you say it right.

Although how you act is what drives the roleplaying, you need to look believable to pull it off.

Start by going to your local costume shop or thrift store to look for the perfect ‘ingredients.’ Have a general idea in mind of what you need—accessories and all. That is, if you’re looking to be a maid, you not only need the outfit, but also the apron and a feather duster (oh la la).

Make sure to try the outfits on before you buy them. You are trying to look good, and an ill-fitting costume might not make you feel the part as well.

A word on materials that are sexy—some people love latex and leather. Find out what your ‘victim’ might like and incorporate that as much as you can.

Of course, if you go to your local adult shop for your costume, you may find even more racy choices. Just don’t get too turned on in the dressing room.

The Temptation Begins

Understanding that you are setting a scene for a sexual encounter will give you great ideas to play it out as long as possible.

If you’re able, you may want to hint at your plans well ahead of the actual date. For example, you may want to send hints—i.e. a set of handcuffs or a cleaning rag. Of course, you want to be discreet about it as well.

If you talk ahead of time, you will want to leave small hints about your plans. This is sure to get their mind and their heart racing (among other things).

Stepping Out

Once you’re in the setting, you must begin the part. Have your partner for the evening move him or herself to the right location and then go change into your ‘gear.’

You may want to start some music as you walk out or whatever else might help to set the mood. Saunter out into view and begin your act.

Forget who you are for a moment and become a sexier version. Make sure that they are acting their part as well. Although succumbing to your charms will surely not be too terribly difficult.

Realize that in the end, you will be seducing the other person and that’s inevitable.

Understand That…

Not everyone will be the perfect acting accomplice in your roleplaying. And you may laugh or break out of your character.

But it’s like a muscle. If you keep trying, you just get better and better.

Realize that your fantasy or their fantasy might not work out perfectly the first few times, so talk about what could go better or what could be done to make it less humorous and more erotic.

Practice does indeed make perfect.

As we’ve talked about before, some of the best foreplay is in the setting itself, so make sure that there are candles lit, and every arrangement has been made for an interrupted evening of bliss.

Feeding The Fire

One of the ways to get the night started is to feed each other. While eating isn’t always the sexiest thing, being served can be.

If you’re two couples, you can reverse roles. The women can feed the men, or vice versa. Do this slowly so that you can look into each other’s eyes. Try to signal your intentions for the evening, and let the other know how excited you already are.

Chocolate dipped strawberries are a decadent treat.

You can also offer each other drinks or other light snacks. Food has a way of calming us and getting us ready for deeper contact.

You can also put the morsel of food in your mouth and offer it to someone else, but they have to take it without using their hands. Delicious.

Turning On The Evening

While I don’t suggest this for anyone that hasn’t already propositioned it, watching a sexy movie can be a great way to introduce a sexy mood.

Find one that appeals to everyone and something that isn’t too corny so that you’re laughing more than you’re becoming aroused. You may want to make suggestions among yourselves and then pick a few in case they don’t end up working out.

Dim the lights and watch the action. Perhaps you’ll want to copy the actors as you watch. Let the darkness cover any nervousness.

Starting With Your Comfort Zone

Another great way to start a little foreplay seduction is to take turns showing affection to your partners. With your own partner, kiss, touch, and caress them. Show them how much you love them and their faith in your relationship.

Then the other couple can do the same. Before you know it, you will all be enjoying each other at the same time.

Now, switch.

Try A Game

There are plenty of ‘dirty’ games out there that you can buy and play together. Try a naughty card game or striptease poker. Not only are these erotic, but they also can relax you into a seductive state.

And add in a lot of sexual innuendo and every ones in the end.

But this is just a sampling of things that you can do as foreplay. Of course, you can come up with your own versions of these appetizing starters.

Or if the heat is just right, you may not make it through them.

When you’re first starting out though, I highly recommend doing something to get the evening started in the erotic tone. Start with the usual conversation and dinner, if you’d like.

Then move to somewhere more comfortable and let the fun begin…